Interesting thing happened tonight. I was looking out at the falling snow and just wanted to curl up on the sofa with xBF and watch a movie. I actually had the urge to call and see what he was doing. It passed in about 30 seconds, but still, it was there. Does it mean anything or just a flash of nostalgia? Who knows. But it is the first time I have even thought about doing something with xBF in a few months.
I've been listening to Michael Buble a lot recently. He sings a Leonard Cohen song called "I'm Your Man" that pretty much sums it up for me:
If you want a lover I'll do anything you ask me to And if you want another kind of love I'll wear a mask for you If you want a partner Take my hand Or if you want to strike me down in anger Here I stand I'm your man
If you want a boxer I will step into the ring for you And if you want a doctor I'll examine every inch of you If you want a driver Climb inside Or if you want to take me for a ride You know you can I'm your man
Ah, the moons too bright The chains too tight The beast won't go to sleep I've been running through these promises to you That I made and I could not keep Ah but a man never got a woman back Not by begging on his knees Or I'd crawl to you baby And I'd fall at your feet And I'd howl at your beauty Like a dog in heat And I'd claw at your heart And I'd tear at your sheet I'd say please, please I'm your man
And if you've got to sleep A moment on the road I will steer for you And if you want to work the street alone I'll disappear for you If you want a father for your child Or only want to walk with me a while Across the sand I'm your man
If you want a lover I'll do anything you ask me to And if you want another kind of love I'll wear a mask for you
Man, if that's what women want, no wonder I've always sukked at this.
Puppy, that's the long version of "crawling through broken glass." It doesn't mean I want a wussy, doormat nice guy. The point is that a real man would want to show his woman that he would do whatever it takes to prove to her that he IS her man, the man she can depend on.
Got email from xBF this morning thanking me for baking scones yesterday even though he didn't eat any, said the thought was appreciated. Then he goes on to talk about settlement paperwork and what do I want to do with one of the investment accounts.
I'm thinking this is his way to show me that he's being thoughtful, one of the points I made in the letter.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
To me, what he says about the scones is being appreciative, not so much thoughtful. To me, thoughtful would be when he anticipates one of your needs and takes care of it before you even ask. Even though appreciative wasn't specifically on your list, I'm sure you would want that too.
Whichever way he meant it, it's a start, it's an action. I hope he keeps going in this direction!
To me, what he says about the scones is being appreciative, not so much thoughtful. To me, thoughtful would be when he anticipates one of your needs and takes care of it before you even ask. Even though appreciative wasn't specifically on your list, I'm sure you would want that too.
Hey, don't encourage the woman, Sam. Her list is long enough!!!
Well, I find myself having a hard time being detached now that xBF is back on the scene. He made a comment to a mutual friend that he didn't know when he would see me so she should just hang onto something and give it to me herself.
What is that supposed to mean?
Jon pointed out that there was no use in overanalyzing and he was right. So I put on the new jeans and went to the sports bar for dinner and to watch the game.
Cute bartender and manager who likes me were both working so there were some friendly faces around. Ended up sitting next to and talking to an older man who got friendlier and more touchy as the evening and beers ran on. By the time I was ready to leave he asked me if I was sure I wanted to go home alone. Uh, yep, I'm sure. Little icky.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Definitely don't overanalyze. That's a very good suggestion that I need to remind myself of every couple of days. Try to hold on to major independent pearl!
Not sure if you picked up some PMA from your experience at the sports bar, but at least it kept your mind off of things for a little bit, even if it was icky!
((((pearl))))...I have a great "old" guy story. I'll save it for our trip in July. By then, I may have some more good ones to share.
What do you think about the moment of nostalgia? Just that? I'm sure that things are confusing for you right now. Just be patient. Everything will become clear soon enough. In the meantime, take care of you!
Hugs and love! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
Silva, you know I like older men: Patrick Stewart, my fave rock star...this guy was just creepy old, not older. And that wasn't even really the issue, he was just WAY too forward. Besides, not all older guys look as good as you!
Sam, yep, sad as I am it still boosted my ego! And at least I got out of the house, didn't have to cook dinner, and my cute bartender always gives me free drinks.
Amy, are we ready to book the July trip?? I'm sure you will have all kinds of stories by then! Not sure about the nostalgia moment. Guess I'm just going to write it off as that.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Not sure about the nostalgia moment. Guess I'm just going to write it off as that.