Poly, I never had the type of anger that you describe above. I probably had all the right to but for whatever reason it never reached sucha crescendo. What I tell myself to control the anger that sometimes creeps ups is the following: please keep in mind that these are not taken from any book or councellor but they work for me. 1) there are plenty of nice people in the world....nicer than my ex wife..... 2) one person on this planet can not control my happiness.... 3) I am far from perfect......her loss..... That is it. Pretty simplistic....I have a good circle of friends and family. I do not bring my issues there. I discuss them on this forum. For this reason, I think this place has helped me immenselly.
grazie mille cara....we do not know what the future holds but it sure does feel nice. D8 is still my number one priority...she will be until I take my last breath on this planet.... She actually told me the story of a little girlfriend of hers in school who's parents are going through a divorce. D8 told me that she is no longer sad and does not cry anymore...althogh sometimes she has a lump in her throat. I suggested she talk to me about her feelings and not hide them from me.
We have just started our separation and I am in angry phase now too. I think I blocked off any angry or negative feelings about W when I was really trying hard to save the marriage. But the other day she went ahead and filed for D and informed me by email.
After that, I started being flooded with angry feelings. Filing the D after 10yrs of marriage and 15yrs together without even trying MC together pisses me off. After going on about she wants us to be amicable and friends, she files for D while I am still trying to find a job after getting layed off just recently pisses me off. You don't tell someone you want to be friends and kick them when they are down. I started getting angry about the hurt and pain I've been feeling since the bomb was dropped. Even just last night I found myself cursing her while in my car driving off to start our separation because it hurt so so much when I said goodbye to my 4.5yr old son.
I dont want to be angry, but I am. It maybe a way my mind is trying to help me to completely drop the rope and GAL and move on with my life to stop the pain. But it's also a negative, cause even if she has a change of heart later, the anger may have made me move on too far and fast and I won't care anymore at that point. It's kind of a double edged sword I guess.
Anger has propelled me forward. I maybe have gone to far and i do know that by reigning it in , i will take back more control. I also fear that my nager will push me past the point of no return.
On another forum a poster had a really good thought.
