Hi Tostada, Not just friends is a good book. I bought it because my husband kept repeating "we are just friends with her" so it seemed appropriate (he still does by the way and none of my boundaries were accepted).
Most part of the book talks about being in a relationship with someone that "cheats" emotionally or physically. So, a lot of the things you will read may give some answers about past behaviors of your wife and give you an "inside perspective", but as far as now is concerned... I dont know. It will be useful if you get another chance with your wife but now... again, I dont know if it will help you. You've been angry lately and you need to calm down first of all.
No it wasnt just you and your behavior. Yes there was another one in the game that you probably subconcioulsy chose to ignore his existence, we all do at some point. The knowledge should help you be more fair to yourself and get rid of the guilt you possibly carry. You cant fight an A when it's all roses and lust unless your partner makes an honest decision to "fight it" too.
Right now, you cant do much. Take care of yourself. I know the pain, I've felt it. Most of us here have. Get strong and find things that give you pleasure. Take care of you. That's all you can do. K
