WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[confusedinpa]

Seriously, I would have her go to anger management class. I don't think it's anger, it's probably more like frustration.

What on earth is she constantly angry about? She has to figure that out and stop blaming you. Even the stuff about you not getting up early enough on the weekends. She should have just said something then. Period. It's not your fault and mind reading is not part of M.

This came up in more detail during the session. My wife said she didn't really press it as she didn't want me to just be up with an attitude. Our counselor even said she should have just said what she wanted becuase how it was handled didn't work

Cut her free from the C. She's just going to keep getting angrier about going as she feels like she's being "forced" to go. Let her free from it before she starts blaming you for "making" her go.

When she told me about every other week, I just said if that's what you want to do. I reminded her that she should go only if she wants to.

I would change this to "get comfortable expressing what you want". Emotions don't rule everything. Expressing what you want does.

You are right. I think I misquoted my counselor. Good catch

"She said she's still angry and doesn't want to be around me which is why she wants to leave. She said she's going into 2 years of debt to set up her place (oh oh I need to call my lawyer about that one). She said if she wasn't so mad, she wouldn't do something like that"

I would have stopped her right there. You see how she's blaming you for everything? Even putting her in debt. Stop her and get her facts straight. You can't keep being treated like a doormat. Women don't respect the doormat, they just scrape their sh*t on it. There's your 2x4.

Don't be afraid to show her that or else she's going to start taking more stuff from you and then when you protest, she's going to go back to her victim mode.

That's pretty much all I heard in your car conversation. Her being the victim.

Crap - I missed that one. I should have reminded her this is her decision to leave and not work on the marriage. Thanks for the 2x4

I have to remember to "correct" her perception of what she was taking out of the house. Of her list of stuff, only the dinning room set was hers coming into the marriage. I should just tell she can feel free to take what she came with. Anything that we acquired together, we need to discuss and agree. I don't want to press this as adversarial as that would destroy any chance, if there is any really left. I'll have to really think about how to handle that one

Thanks for the quick input/feedback