Do Something DIFFERENT

[kjensen]

Hi BG,
Even though I just started this road I can really relate to your last posting. Setting a boundary and sticking with it. I must confess I have been a-waffling these last few weeks-trying to set boundaries and then not being solid about them.

My H moved out 1/3/09 just a few days after dropping the Bomb. He stayed over a few nights here and there after he broke off his A. I had such high hopes then and not a clue about MLC and what kind of journey we were really on...

When the OW pursued him he started up with her again and has been less affectionate, less attentive to our girls, and has had a much more volatile temper and negative view of me.

I boxed up the remaining things he has in our house after I discovered he restarted the A. He opened up a bit after I confronted him and said he fully expected to find his things waiting for him in the garage. He made one small statement of remorse and I was second-guessing myself and unpacked his things.

This weekend I decided, again, to further move him out. His office is in our home and I was going to ask that he work at his apartment(not an easy thing for him to do), I again boxed up the few remaining things he has here. When I mentionned my plan (about not working at our house)he got very emotional and teary. I got hooked in again by sharing that he didn't see a future life with the OW. I see the enabling and the dance I'm doing and I'm trying hard to detach. From all of the posts I've been reading it seems that the MLCer may progress better and the LBS detach more easily (and get a breather from the rollercoaster ride)if there is true/complete separation. Its just my take so far.

I think you are doing great going 3 weeks! I have a hard time with a few days. I think its scary to wonder if 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' and see that it may not for our husbands-at least not right now.

Remember, his lack of contact with you is much more about him and his MLC than about you.

It is scary trying to take care of things alone,and it can be overwhelming. I feel I'm a very capable, independent woman and I still find the thought of taking care of my two tweeners and the house daunting. My H has been helping a lot, but I don't know how long that will continue, so I'm trying to be as independent as I can.

One day at a time...you are doing great!