Slowly but surely - detach and 180

[hopefulinEG]

Well the last week has been horrible. I have been horrible and W has been horrible.

We went to counceling on Thursday and it went all wrong too. But the thing I got out of it is that DBing is not going to work on W. She is suspicious of my every action and believes it is all to win her back. She is pushed more and more away every day living with me. More and more resolved. I am also having absolutely no luck detaching after learning of the PA. I think about her almost every waking hour. I take everything she does personally and have not been able to let go. I am constantly making things worse by being angry or pissy or sad or something.

So I re-read the LRT and I have decide that it is infact the only hope. I have to totally seperate from her and not do anymore damage. We talked yesterday and I told her she needs to move out. That she was right that I had been keeping up hope and that I had been trying to win her back and that her being there day in and day out was keeping me from being able to heal and move on.

We worked out the details and she will be moving out over the next couple weeks. I think it is really the best thing. I am such an emotional person and maybe it is a total wimpy copout but I don't think I am really capable of detaching and being cool and calm with her there, the way you have to be to successfully DB. If there is any hope it will be going Dark and letting her process on her own. Right now while there are good interactions the bad ones undo any progress and I think I am worse off now than I was 3 months ago.

I have to figure out how to go dark with kids and a lot of back and forth but I will figure that out. I think with limited contact I can really detach and make our interactions pleasant.

I also need to do this for the kids. We just can't keep having fights in front of them. Even if this isn't the best thing for saving my marriage it is the best thing for my kids.

-Catherine