The adventure continues--part 2

[AFWAW]

That would depend: what is your goal? Why have you been dim/dark to begin with?

My goal is to open up communication with my wife for the purpose of reconciliation and stopping her from divorcing me! I haven't been dark on purpose--she told me to leave her alone and to f$#% off last Sunday. My question is, how do I reestablish lines of communication without making it look like I'm doing so?

[antlers]

Hey man, when they tell us to leave them alone...they mean it! It doesn't mean anything other than they want us to leave them alone. I'd do it. I know how tempting it is to pick up the phone, or text them, or e-mail them...just to communicate with them. I believe it's in our best interest to not do it. Believe me, she knows how you feel. She knows that you don't want this. So does my wife. We feel the need to keep letting them know just how much we care for them...and they already know that! I keep getting told that "PATIENCE is everything. Learn it, live it." So that's what I'm trying to do. We have to do more of what works, and less of what doesn't. Even if our hearts tell us different! Let's don't crowd them, let's don't push them, let's be patient. I'll have some good thoughts for you AFWAW.

[dburt]

This is a long deal, you are doing very well, time to do something for you ,read a book, hell write one, go to a baseball game, opening games are today. play golf, join a club, get with a good friend tonight for a drink or three.

Remember to do these things for yourself, and if it results in communication down the road that is great, if it results in a woman who wants you back, that is great, but if it just turns you into a better man that is fun to be around, that is great also.

Burt

[PortlandDad]

The roller-coaster is definitely at the bottom of it's run right now. Based on what she told you on Sunday, do you really want to open those lines of communication right now? Seriously, you do not need someone who talks like that to you right now. Realize that it was not your W who was talking; it was some alien pod person and the only thing you can do is to pull back and let her cool off. As MWD says in the book: "Don't strike when the iron is hot".

It's tough not talking to her. It's tough not seeing her. It's tough being in this whole damned sitch, but you are tough, too. Everyone here is cheering you on and giving you strength and advice for how to detach. You can do it!

[antlers]

Realize that it was not your W who was talking; it was some alien pod person and the only thing you can do is to pull back and let her cool off. As MWD says in the book: "Don't strike when the iron is hot".

Sound wisdom!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

What Burt said. ^

[AFWAW]

Ok, as much as I want to call her, it would probably be counterproductive as this point. Thanks for the input folks. I will wait for her to call.

[AFWAW]

Ok, she called to talk to my daughter but she was taking a shower. She asked how I was doing and I said fine(a big fat lie) and went on to ask about my testing for E8 tomorrow. She mentioned she didn't see my car at work. Does that means she's looking for me? Or am I reading in to it? Ugh, I have got to move--this just sucks. I wanted to ask her all those questions about why, why, why but did not. How long does it take to get over this crap? I wanted to ask her if it wasn't for my daughter would she ever talk to me again. UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

[AFWAW]

At this point, I'm almost tempted to ask her when she is going to file.

[Mellenmack]

I know this time off work is killing you. At least after you test you will be back at work. If you can just be patient, hold off...anything to get it out of your mind, I think you will be better for it.

Melissa