I Never Imagined Being Here

[pearlharbr]

First of all, take a deep breath. You will get through this. It's scary and hard and you may not be able to see it right now (I couldn't when I was at that point) but you WILL get through it.

I disagree with Helping_Myself: if your gut tells you that there may be an OM, then trust it. Do not go on what your W tells you, as Puppy said all cheaters lie. I never thought in a million years that my xBF would cheat on me but my gut said OW when the bomb was dropped. He lied about it and did the whole, how could you even think that? thing. Lo and behold I was right. It does matter because it changes how you handle the situation.

If she is having an EA/PA then MC will not do you any good right now. Both people need to want to be there and be willing to tell the truth. So don't freak out if she doesn't want to go anymore. I recommend continuing with IC because it will help you to have a safe place to talk and help you reach your goals of becoming a better person.

Since you took her off the accounts, why do you need the cards back?

To prepare for the talk, try to get yourself to a calm mental place. Remember to listen and validate. Do not act out of emotion. Remain calm and if it gets to be too much then leave the room. You can let it all out as soon as she is gone, just keep it together in front of her.

You will NOT get the answers you're looking for. I know it's frustrating but the sooner you wrap your head around this the better. If she is having an affair, the accompanying fog explains a lot of the instant decision making without looking back. If she is having a MLC then that is coloring her perception of things. This is why I think it's important to try to figure out what's really going on so you know what strategies to employ.

Let us know how it goes.