You sound like a great father! I loved reading about your day with daughter.
You know I hesitate but I decided I should since not sharing my thoughts would defeat the purpose of DB website. So here you go: it takes two to fight! I still think your sitch needs some time where both parties are chilling for a while in their respective corners. IMHO.
I see what you are saying, but assuming my W does suffer from the disorder I suspect, it really doesn't matter what I do, good or bad, it will be twisted to whatever purpose she needs it to be. She is regressing mentally, almost as if she is a child trapped in an adult's body. The A and associated 'fog' behavior is to the extreme of what people here normally experience based on my reading.
Look at this list of symptoms (my W meets 7/9)
Originally Posted By: BPD
* Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment * A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation * Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self * Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating) * Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior * Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days) * Chronic feelings of emptiness * Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights) * Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
In effect... I'm going to be dealing with someone who will hate me and my children the closer we get to her - if this is what she has, and she meets enough criteria to be diagnosed. The onset of major symptoms is supposed to occur at 21/22 years of age - which is right where she is. She displayed the initial symptoms from 16/17 like the things I've read suggested she would have.
To be frank... we have virtually no joint assets, our only consideration of value worth litigating is our daughter's custody. Yet my W ran to a lawyer with false allegations, started her smear campaign, and ultimately kicked off a destructive high conflict situation because that is in her nature.
Nothing will be solved, I was the one who approached with open arms, suggested splitting things 50/50 even though she wasn't entitled, and suggested we raise our daughter together as friends. She responded with false allegations, legal filings, lies, lies, lies, and basically had no shame about what she was willing to accuse me of.
When I smacked her attorney down with real evidence is when they shut up all of a sudden. I fully intend to stay on the offensive and aggressively fight her for custody. It may say "Defendant" next to my name, but the best defense is a good offense. Until I start hearing "We want to negotiate" from her, I have no intention of allowing them a breather.
Custody of my daughter at this point is more important than my M. If W gets help, and seems to be improving, and seems to want to reconcile, I will consider it. But thus far I've gotten no indication from her other than she wants to be Queen B***h and control access to my daughter to where my family can't see her (they aren't local).
LRT/GAL are my focus for me. But the D is in full swing, and I have no intention of stopping it until given reason why I should that isn't idealistic wishful thinking on my part. (I've been burned plenty of times already through that.)
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
