Healing from a lifetime of self-deprecation

[still hopeful]

Frank,

I am certainly with you there, my good brother. It's a journey and my talks with you have helped me to realize that I am where I still am because this is exactly where I've wanted and chosen to be. THAT realization alone is helpful in moving to a new place of NOT blame-shifting onto my XW, but it's no less painful than not knowing that truth.

It's a process of which I'm NOT in control. My only hope for control ('command' is a better word here) is over my own emotions and perceptions over what has already happened, what IS happening, and what my vision for MY future with my children is.

I read so many posts here and I see my story told in so many ways on the different threads. The common themes that I identify with are the three key elements for a successful marriage, that are REQUIRED from and in both partners, that were missing in my marriage, which are: 1) an undying commitment to make the marriage successfully last; 2) regular, open communication about ALL important marital issues, positive, neutral, and negative; and 3) complete honesty, wrapped in tact, thoughtfulness and love.

But hey, those are just the thoughts of a man who's learned a ton from his mistakes, failed marriage, and broken family. Take it for what it's worth. I've been in the valley for three long years and I know that I want and deserve better. I want and deserve the love of a compatible, nurturing partner. I am stiving to be the man that God intended me to be, even before the first day. Goodspeed to me, my XW and mine while I climb the mountain of God.