I've been at this for some time. H was here for 19 months after the bomb. He would stay here for 3-4 days, leave for 3-4 days. When he was home, we were kind and thoughtful to each other. We would sometimes eat together, watch tv.
When he was away, we would not talk for the most part. I felt like he was moving towards me a little. Sharing more info about his life, calling me when he was away, etc. Then I backslid a bit, asked his opinion about paint for the house, needed help with my car and such.
He pulled back, went away for 11 days without calling. I called him (I think he was with ow, it was her birthday), he got angry.
When he came back, I told him that I could not do this anymore. Him coming and going as he pleased. It was too hard for me to move forward with him here. I told him for the fifth time in all this that if he wanted to leave, that he needed to do that. But when I said it this time, I said it differently, and he knew that I meant it. I put his clothes in the closet downstairs where he slept when he would be home. I think it angered him. But I felt like he would have continued to come back and forth.
I second guessed myself for a long time. I still dont know if setting the boundary was the right thing, but I couldnt go on with him coming and going.
I have not heard from him in three weeks. I have not contacted him at all.
So, it was a 180 for me to be firm in my words. It is a 180 for me not to cave in and call.
But it is so hard, too. I know that he felt I was too dependent on him. That I relied on him too much to do everything (I suffer from depression). So, I am trying to take care of things alone.
I guess time will tell if this was the right thing to do.
