Hey Ali...maybe my definition of committment is different from yours. English isn't my mother tongue you know!!! I don't want to have a trial on K's husband here but his actions are not conducive to reconciliation. They are not the actions of a man who wants to hold on to what he has. I am not sure I buy the penny thing. Well K, did you book your holidays to North America yet?
Hey Maria, ohhh sorry!!! I didnt mean it that way, oops! I meant, you were saying once something about what would be the most extreme thing be that would 'shock' him?
Sorry John, I had people say to me my ex is a commitment phobe, but I am not sure its that, just seems like theres something else going on. Same as for K's H.
All this analysis perhaps isnt it though is it, its how someone makes you feel, if they make you feel good, if they add something to your life, if your life is complete but by knowing them, being close to them you get something extra, valuable, worthwhile, positive.. if they make you happy, make you the best you can be, understand you, support you, build you up and add something to you life, then its worth sticking around for. If they make you feel unloved, bad about yourself, negative, if its destructive, draining, takes something away ..if you get nothing back, then yes, why bother indeed.
well said ali! could not agree with you more! it would be great if we could find someone where what you describe flows freely both ways......
maybe i have been scarred for life but when i hear of such people (the ones who are not into it) I can not help to think that there is a plan B lingering. i am not saying this is the case with K's husband but my spider sense is tingling.
I knew of spider women, now we have John the spider man, making a mess on tables and desks
Sometimes I look at my H and feel things, I feel some warmth and the feeling you have towards a person you KNOW very well... Like a friend or something, family? That's what I've been trying to build on. But it hasnt been possible yet.
Example :H hasnt called today. I havent either. Nothing to say to each other. It doesnt bother me,cause I dont need it. But it does sound dsicouraging dont you think? Today I think he is trying to see if I will call him. He probably feels he is doing "all the hard work" and wants to make a point.
I used to throw pairs of socks or Pepperidge Farm Goldfish at spouse to get his attention.. something soft, funny that became a game, broke down the wall.
It's like a dam. There's water there, but without an opening it has no where to go.
Yeah, we did it. Ali did it nicely for me. Although she exaggerated calculating I spent 30 minutes with him alone (NOT TRUE), and although my kids got to be with him Thursday while I was at work when he came back from the trip meaning that was extra time with them he usually doesnt spend, the results for last week were the following : Work approx 53% Sleep 36% Family 10,45% Maria a bit over 0%
That's pretty scary how much time he spends at work.
Hmmm now you have me curious what my pie chart would look like...
Well, because I am just that curious, I did it lol.
I spend 33% of my week at work. 33% sleeping. 4% at the gym or other exercise. 4% with my friends. 5% doing household stuff. And 21% doing stuff with R (since lately we've been cooking dinner together every evening and hanging out afterwards).
I think I need to spend more time with my friends. Especially my roommate lol (although since she's working 2 jobs right now, we've been passing in the doorway a lot).
Last edited by MichelleLT; 04/06/0905:06 PM.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well I think I have the answer to the problem After studying the pie chart it is obvious He sleeps too much!
I said ouch too btw when I read the post. Trying to see the positive is that losing 100% of nothing is 0 so ...
I also agree with Johns definition of commitment and my English is great. Maybe the way we define it (whatever our language) is how we give it,commitment that is. What it actually involves when we are commited to someone. Oh Maria I so wish we had some answers for you. You deserve to be loved by someone with ever fibre of their being. ((()))
