Today marks 7 days since I made a decision to move on. I feel sad... but also determined to make sure that I am looking out for D1's interests.

The weekend was the simple stuff... I took my children to the park. My boys played on some of the park playhouse stuff, and D1 and I strolled around while I held her hand and she was learning to walk. She can't walk by herself yet, but as long as she had her little hand wrapped around my finger she was doing fine.

She picked up a bunch of rocks to sort through as they fell, and ended up grabbing a worm. She just sort of looked at it puzzled. I put her in a swing to see how she'd react, and she was laughing and giggling the entire time I pushed her.

W didn't look at me at all when she picked her up. Didn't speak.

I saw D1 this morning in the nursery, and sort of walked around with her there, and played with some toys on the floor prior to heading to work.

My sleep the past three nights has been troubled. More so than usual anyway. I think there is a part of me that wants to hold onto the love I have/had for W, but as things stand that is not a healthy relationship for anyone.

With the psych eval... I'm hopeful that W gets the help she needs. But ultimately I can't be responsible that she does. I've taken every opportunity to get her help, and she has refused. Her family has refused to acknowledge a problem - even though they should be keenly aware given her past history.

I'm embarking on a lonely path here... I'm about to burn lots of bridges, but I have no choice. I have to do the right thing, and I have to do the hard thing... one and the same.

This will hurt W's feelings short-term, I'm sure I'll get the angry outbursts, etc. But maybe she'll surprise me. I have come not to rely on that.

I just have to do it... W's family puts up a front of strength, but in the end they are a paper tiger hoping to cover up W's problems with bluster and denial. That isn't helping anyone, and I'm not going to let my feelings for them interfere with my responsibility towards my daughter.

I saw this path coming from the beginning... hence the prepare for the worst, hope for the best attitude I've had since it started with the journaling, etc. but I've tried everything I could to avoid it. It seems like events are heading in a direction they were meant to head regardless... and I've described it like a slow-motion train wreck, the train is too big for me to stop, but I can see exactly where things are going and what will happen.

Nobody has been more reluctant to fight than I, yet no one involved is as able.

"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."