"I don't wanna spend my life jaded, waiting...

[theotherhalf]

Thank you an2m,
I was never mad at you, only frustrated. I am so thankful for you and all here that stayed with me over the last 2 years. There were so many moments that I really believe that I would die from losing my H. You all stuck with me and gave me what I needed to keep going and to find happiness again.

Snodderly,

You are doing beautifully and you are right where you should be at this time.

thank you, your wisdom is such a gift. You are a really special lady.
Yes, I filed for D Friday. It is past time. No more waiting. No more what ifs, no more exuses. Even IF my H could have gotten thru his MLC, and at times I see him working to this, I don't believe that he will ever forgive himself for all that has happened. I will not go back to him and pay for all that for the rest of my life. I love him very much, I always will, but I didn't do this and I will not continue to suffer for it any longer. It is so past time for me to move on with my life and to find a happiness that I have never had. Friday truly felt like the 1st day of the rest of my life. I am sad but only because of what should have been. Not because I want him back. It is really over and I wish him nothing but the best. DB did not work for me. Partially because I couldn't let him go when I needed to. Partially because of the intensity of my H's MLC. Partially because of my H's pride. It's sad that we could not have R. Things could have been so different. But today I'm thinking mabey DB wasn't supposed to work for me. Maybe this all was supposed to happen.

About 5weeks ago I started hanging out with new friends. My GF from work, a guy (B) from work, and a customer from work. This all started so inocently. We are all single and just looking for friends to do things with. Well the customer (K) likes GF but she is not ready for that. Anyway it was pay for your own, going out to eat, just hanging out. Immediately I felt a spark for B. It scared me to death. I tried to keep my feelings in tow for a bit. They just flowed over the walls. This man is so kind, gentle, respectful, cute, shy, funny, and good. I have known him for about 11 years. There has always been a spark but I was M and that was that. It's like someone tore the lid off of those feelings for him. I have never in my life been respected by a man and B treats me with nothing but kindness and respect. If I didn't know him I would be thinking he's too good to be true.

I have no idea where this is headed. I am in no hurry to find out. I am just taking each moment as it comes and really enjoying my life. I have thanked God for letting B in my life. If nothing becomes of this at least he has brought me sunshine in a very dark world. He has shown me how I am supposed to be treated. He has shown me what life could be like. He has given me the strength to find myself again and to let happiness back into my heart again.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you DB friends. Thank you for being here for me the last 2 years. I wish each of you the very best in life. You are very special people and you deserve the best of what life has to offer.

Luv, TOH

[naej]

TOH, I,m sorry it came to this but extremely happy that you are taking control of your life and know that you deserve much more and that happiness awaits.

I know of the spark of which you speak, mine came to nothing,it was complicated but it made me feel alive for the first time in years and was the catalyst I needed.(I had been D for sev years at this point but never dated)
It ended kind of mutually the intensity scared us both, but it didn't hurt one bit I was just thankful that I still had the capacity to feel like that for someone.
I wish you many blessings and strengh for the journey.
Take care.

[theotherhalf]

thank you Naej,
I know now that I will be just fine. I don't know where this is leading but for now I am enjoying each and every moment.

[theotherhalf]

WOW TOH I am impressed. It seems you have truly stepped back and have a new perspective.

Your right glam, WOW!!! I am happier than I have ever been in my life right now.

I remember when you first came to the boards, you were so sure your h was different

My H is different. But it didn't change a thing.

and he would be home soon.

I never "thought" he would, I just "hoped" he would. I did trully believe and I still do that things could have been so different but my H couldn't get out of the depression and make that happen.

You sound good TOH, keep working on yourself. That is what is most important. Hugs!
Thanks glam, I am good! The best and hugs to you too!!!

[job]

TOH,
Things happen for a reason. I'm sorry to hear about the filing, but you fought the battle and when it comes to MLC, there's no way that they all will come home. Who knows what the future holds for you....it sounds like you've already begun to see the light of day and have rediscovered what life can offer.

TOH, you are going to be just fine. Your outlook on life has changed so much in the last 3 months and you know what? The doors are going to be opening up all over the place for you. New and exciting things will come your way. Spread your wings, test them out and then soar through the sky. Your time has come.

I wish you and your family all of the best that life has to offer. Never, ever doubt yourself, for you are a survivor.

[sunshinelewis]

Hi toh and thank you for posting to me.
I could not find why you are on probation. The only threads I read were in the mlc archives. Did I miss something?
I thought I was doing pretty good being just over 6 months into this. I dont call him, we have NO contact. I dont drive by his house anymore. I dont look at girlfriends myspace or contact her anymore. I have gotten stronger.
I want him to come home YES of course I do, as did you or you do.
BUT, I dont want him back until he is ready if he ever is and maybe I will be available or maybe I wont. You knows.
I am trying to do the best I can for my family with little help from him. I dont ask him to help me anymore, I do for myself.
For some reason though, some here think I am NOT as far along as I should be....I guess because he is no longer my husband, I dont know. I dont know what more is expected of me.
Please let me know if you have any advice.
Snodderly and others have been a blessing to me but I dont think they are very proud of me and it hurts. But I can do no more than I am doing. I love them all dearly and I wish I could make them understand where I am at. I think they are assuming I am still desperate from what I write, so it's probably my fault.

[theotherhalf]

I am on probation SSL because May 2nd 2008 I went out with my B and SIL. H showed up at the bar. I was drinking and having a good time. H sat on the otherside of the bar and stared at me but made no contact. He left. Later on in early am I decided to go home. I went by H's house. He was not there. He had proclaimed to no be seeing OW again. I had to know for sure if he was lying again. I went to drive by OW's. H's truck was there. I went to the door because I had to confront him for lying to be still. No one answered. I kicked the door 2 times with my toe as to knock. The door popped open. I entered. It was dark. From across the room OW said "you dumb c*&t! He is not here!" His pickup was in the drive. I assulted her. For all of the pain I have suffered from the last year. I hurt her for the pain she had caused the previous M she had broken. And then I left. The next morning I was arrested and charged with 2nd degree burglary. Before this I had never even had a speeding ticket. Later they upped my charge to 1st degree burglary and if found guilty I was facing a mandatory sentance of 25years in prison.

I got a lawyer and went through the whole legal process all by myself. I never even got a "how's it going" from my H. And yet he would still call and ask me to come in for sex. Pretty pathetic, huh? Anyway I went through it and in the end plead guilty to 3rd degree with a deferred sentance. I got probation for 3 years. If I stay out of trouble the charge will be removed from my record.

Was it worth it? Absolutely not. I damb near ruined my life and my childrens in order to get back at OW and to try and save my M. I am so ashamed of who I let myself become through all of this. I should have let my H go from the beginning. Maybe we would be together today. Doesn't really matter anymore. Today I no longer want a life with him. I love him, that will never change but there is no going back.

I understand being misunderstood on this board. I found myself in that same boat so many times. BUT ALOT of the times I was not being totally honest with myself. I really did have rose colored glasses on. And I can look back now and see that most of these people are right on.

SSL, Just be honest with yourself. Do what is best for YOU and only you. Trully make the steps to find out what else life has to offer. Once you take a hard honest look you may be surprised at the answers you find.

[WCW]

toh, it is good you are finding strength to lead your life.

What bothers me is that it took sparks with another man for you to detach and end your M. That's jumping from the frying pan to the fire. You are in the infatuation stage of a new R, and you ended your M in that euphoric feeling from being with another man.

Don't keep relying on a man or someone else for your strength.

Find your strength in yourself.

(((toh)))

[Creed]

Thank you WCW for stating very well what I've been thinking while reading TOHs posts.

Remember TOH, it was very easy for your H to walk away from your marriage once he had OW in his life. Is it not the same thing/feeling that you're now experiencing with your co-worker? It is nice that someone is treating you with what you see as respect, etc. It's comforting when we feel someone sees us as we really are, and likes us regardless. When someone supports us and makes us feel whole and healthy again.

My concern is that things have moved so quickly in this direction after you started going out with these people. Where was the time that TOH needed to be on her own, live on our own, get to know TOH as a separate, independent woman before starting a relationship with another person who carries their OWN issues with them. You may have felt that you lived on your own since your H was never there for you, and you may feel that you've conquered all the emotions that separation/divorce puts on us...but you haven't. Going through a divorce is not just signing a piece of paper and dividing up property, etc. It is an unraveling of a relationship with much shared history...good and bad. It is a time for reflection...that is why many courts grant a divorce, but it doesn't become 'final' until 6 months later....the court is giving the parties time to reflect on the decision before making it final. In their wisdom, they know that people can file for divorce, and then once it is granted, realize it is not what they really want.

Leaning on your coworker during this time of a divorce being filed may not be fair to you or your friend. Please don't take my words the wrong way. I'm happy that youre feeling better about yourself...but I also want you to go very, very slow into the process you have just initiated. Don't rely on the feelings you have for your coworker to get you through all of this. That shouldn't even be a consideration.

My personal view...no relationship should be started until the divorce is final. THAT is fair to all parties involved. But that is only my opinion...and I realize many here dont see it the same way.

I don't want you to suffer anymore than you already have. I want you to feel healthy and happy and more in control of your own life. I want you to have your eyes wide open...not clouded over with the rosey glaze of infatuation that is so easy to fall into at this point in your life.

Let the new man be your friend...we can all use good friends. But try to hold off /put aside the thoughts of something more until you're more healed/healthy yourself.

Go out with the girls and have a blast, but always remain true to yourself and your own values. And remember, you are responsible for your own actions now.

[Andabelle]

I'm really proud of you, TOH! Sad it had to come to this, but I'm glad you've taken control and are feeling good about yourself.

Just curious, does your H know you've filed yet? Will he have to sell the farm now?