Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I don't like being separated, I don't feel he is really working on the M if he chooses not to work on coming back for 18 months when his lease is up in four. I feel that if I date him under these conditions that I am the only one working on the M. I also feel that he puts the R for our M on me choosing the kids or him. I feel like he is playing a game of wanting his own way and getting out of the M but blaming me for placing my kids before him.
Any one see another way? Am I blaming him or holding him responsible?
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Any one see another way? Am I blaming him or holding him responsible?
I can honestly say I understand how you feel. As things change, all that pent up hurt and frustration come rushing back so fast you almost can't breathe.
Kass, I think you're blaming him . I think you're holding him responsible. I think you need to find it within yourself to reconsider. I think this is what you have been hoping and praying for and as you go through it the pain is incredible and you are not feeling like you can tolerate it a moment longer.
I think you should take a deep breath and reconsider and understand this in the larger perspective. This is not an unexpected set-back. There will be a few set-backs on the way. Your feelings are raw. You hurt. So does he. You feel like he should take your feelings into account and work for them. I can't disagree but you have to see that this is not going to be a smooth road to recovery. Work to be done.
Please reconsider.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
A marriage consists of two individuals committing their lives to each other.
Your spouse has just started his recovery and will be whacked out for at least a year. In AA sobriety comes first. If you protect your sobriety, you get to keep everything in life. Without it, you lose it all.
You entered the marriage with two children as your priority. Even though your children are getting older they're almost pawns in how the marriage will and won't work.
Each of you have absolutes. The question is.. which are necessary, which are negotiable?
Do you go to Al-Anon meetings? This is a brave new world both you and your husband are entering.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
What ARE you doing. You can't just up and leave like that...who am I going to dance with????
If the truth be known, and you take a look back through my threads, I was in your place Kass. One of my final comments was that I was 'done'. I was too. I had enough emotional turmoil, enough pain, enough anger. I just 'gave up'. It was the best thing I did too. A few days later, my old self started to poke his head out and say hello...now he is back wiht me big style!
Take time out Kass, regroup your feelings, do NOT think about anything, just do!. Then please please come back here and tell us that you are ok!!
(sorry all for jumping into the discussion here, but I didn't know how else to reach her.)
Kassie-
I am so sorry to hear that you are leaving. You helped me out a lot and appreciate your positive outlook and help in getting me to do the same. I know that you did not make this decision lightly, but I hope that you are getting the support you need while going through this. You're always welcome here, I'm sure, and I am sad to see you leave. Hopefully you'll read this and hopefully you'll decide to at least stick around awhile longer for the extra support.
