I have been DB'ing -- unevenly, to be sure -- for roughly one month. Probably more, but we'll be conservative. In _DR_, MWD suggests a rough figure of 3 weeks to observe small changes before reconfiguring one's approach.
My question to the vets -- what constitutes an observable change?
I seem to be stalling here. I was down last weekend, though I was largely successful in subordinating it -- one sort of sharp reference to OM, I'll admit, but otherwise not dim/dark/depressed (at least outwardly).
The previous 7-10 days I was doing fairly well.
As many of you will recall, what I've heard is a lot of script, plus a lot of vague things that either hold out some small opening in the future or are simply shining me on -- "who knows what might happen," "if we found that we were crazy about each other again I wouldn't resist it," "if it should come to pass I wouldn't be closed off to it," and so forth.
There have been several (perhaps 3 or 4) brief flashes of vulnerability, followed instantly by wall-reconstruction.
There was one unambiguous apology for a cruelty, which was a first in the history of the R.
She gave me a very hard-lipped, pro-forma kiss the other night, perhaps out of pity or some sense of obligation. A kiss from another man would have had more emotion in it.
She repeatedly insists that she's "not happy about this," that it's the "worst thing in the word," etc., yet simultaneously denies (at least implicitly, I haven't brought it up since MC #1 2 weeks after D-Day) that there is any alternative.
On the other side of the ledger, she's house-hunting (and telling OM about it, wink-wink); she's told at least a dozen people about the D and probably (almost certainly) more; she's clearing out the finances (in the organizing them and catching them up sense); she has terminated all joint credit accounts; she has consulted with S9's therapist for the best way to drop the bomb.
In other words, she's getting the ducks lined up in a row.
Okay, I knew that was going to happen.
So. Given this. What would be an observable, small change?
And, perhaps more importantly, given what I've done in GAL and 180, how might I modify my DB approach to keep the DB going?
