I never met xh's grandparents. His maternal grandmother was in a retirement home when we started dating but xh being xh, he never took me to meet her and she died shortly thereafter. I do believe there were some issues with her parents, but I don't know which one.
Her brother (xh's uncle) is married to a woman who took to me and invited xh and I to visit them where they live in Arizona, which we did. H's uncle is one of the most uptight, rigid, cold, unfeeling people I have EVER met. We argued constantly about politics and the war in Iraq. He seemed quite shocked that I wasn't more respectful of his views and also a little shocked that I am more intelligent than he was expecting. His aunt asked h at dinner one night how he managed to win over a woman like me. Xh wasn't pleased.
The aunt and uncle had a very unhappy marriage but when I spoke with her the Xmas before my separation she told me that they are both taking Prozac and are very happy!
I sympathize with you about your former MIL. You most often hear stories about MIL's interfering in their child's marriage and the rearing of children; constant criticism of the new wife's cooking and cleaning skills, etc. I was grateful initially that xh's mother was so non-interfering. Be careful what you wish for!
I don't think it's unusual for people to have glossed over your MIL's faults when she died. You know the old saying "Don't speak ill of the dead." I think it's even more likely for men to do it because doing otherwise might make them face their feelings and fears.
When xh and I had been dating for a while he told me that there was some suspicion that his father was a paedophile but he didn't get into detail and I didn't press. Obviously no one says something like that unless they believe it's true and I figured he would talk to me when he was ready. I believe it was the bi-polar sister who planted the seeds but his brother (he is much like the sister) also admitted that he remembered something.
One Christmas eve (96 or 97?) they were all at his parents (I was not there because I spent xmas eve with my mother) and xh had his s with him. His s is the eldest grandchild. When it was time for s to go to bed, xh asked his father what bed to put him in and F said "Put him in our bed and when I go to bed I will move him." WHAT!! It made no sense and a big red flag went up for xh and he refused. He put s in the bed (single bed) he was going to sleep in and the siblings went for a cigarette outside and sister confronted xh, saying "You remember now, don't you!" Xh didn't really remember but really knew then that it was true. Brother confessed that he had a sort of mental breakdown when he finished university and realized what had happened when he was a kid/teenager and dealt with it then. He has said one a few occasions (he has three children) that if the 'urge' ever strikes him he will committ suicide, so he is aware of the deep, long lasting damage that was done. The eldest s (who is very much like xh) refused to believe anything initially and continued to see her f for a few months afterwards and then finally stopped.
There was little discussion afterwards among the family although the sister did try to get everyone to talk about it, to no avail. She did manage to get her father and mother to go to see her therapist who taped the session and while FIL admitted to molesting the boys he would not admit to molesting the girls. I think he was afraid that if he admitted to molesting the girls their mother would leave him immediately.
Thank you for the compliment! No I have never thought about a writing course. I've never considered myself to be particularly imaginative. If I was maybe I wouldn't be finding all of this so completely bizarre.
