What is best for my son?

[AliSuddenly]

Bobbi.. I know you were talking to Kalni about that book by Stonsy, how to save your M without talking about it.. but then when I come here, you continue to expect Dan to communicate with you about his feelings and talk and .. I dont know how to explain it to you, but you continue to be expect all the same things that he ISNT going to do and continue to be disappointed with him, thereby maintaining a status quo that he has FAILED you and failed your kids and your M. It was obvious to me reading that, that his reluctance to come to the C appt for Nathan has nothing to do with the fact he doesnt care about you, or nathan.. but its his guilt and shame at failing and being inadequate and fear of having to face that and aquirm, in front of a C, yet again.. so his natural, male reaction, is to go feed the cows till 10pm and avoid his feelings of shame. Yet you interpreted it as a slight on YOU, that he doesnt want to be there for YOU or Nathan and therefore doesnt care and yet again you feel disappointed and abandoned. Which is probably the opposite of what he really feels.

I think you seriously have to rethink your expectations of him. He said himself.. he doesnt want to try and end up here.. because as that book explains, men cannot bear to feel inadequate and like they have failed.. they are programmed to avoid feelings of shame and failure. Can you see that? It isnt that he doesnt love you, he probably loves you tremendously. I know its frustrating, but what you are doing isnt really working, well hasnt so far and the distance and DISconnection between you is growing as you build up walls between you. Have you read that book? Can you see what I am saying?

Shall I stop waffling on now !?? LOL! Thinking of you,
Al xxx