My old middle school PE teacher used to say "Can't means won't and won't means push-ups" so your H would be on buff stud if he was in my PE class.
Excuses don't change a thing, but he can't seem to wrap his head around that one.
Poor fool. WTF? Who would let a Bond girl get away? Not 007 by any means.
RTL PS - My phone ringer is now the Bond theme. Who better to model myself after than good ol' 007. Connery was the best by far, but Brosnan also was very "Bondish." Got to say I like the new look Bond Craig portrays. A lot more brooding and much more mysterious.
Brosnan was too polished IMHO. I liked him...but Sean Connery will always be the best in my heart, and the new guy Daniel Craig just has that rugged unrefined edge to him that is just awesome for the part!
Can you adjust your work schedule so you have mornings together?
Can you go to lunch one or two days a week just the two of you?
Just trying to brainstorm a little.
Hope you are peacefully sleeping.
(((Maria)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Good Morning!! Happy week everyone! It's a cold rainy morning here. I thought winter was done, we had some lovely days last week and now we have rain... Well, we need it, so at least that's good.
I wouldnt say no to any of the "Bonds" you mentioned. And somehow, D. Craig "does it" to me more that the others...
About H : Guys all the things you are thinking of, I have been thinking about the last 6 months. I cant change work schedules because I would have to go on shifts and that would disrupt my kid's lives and probably be more expensive because I would need a babysitter for more hours. Especially now with my dad's health being an issue.
I would NOT leave my job to be able to see him in the mornings (which is not 100% true since he sleeps in the mornings).
We can not meet for lunches during weekdays. I am working. I havent been doing well at work. I cant be taking one day a week leave to meet H for lunch.
Julia, if we would spend more quality time together we would probably have a chance to create a connection. But I have NO CONTROL over his schedule. 2 weeks ago I took a day off to be with him in the morning because we had arranged that he would stay over, and it was THAT morning he chose to leave early for work... You see what I mean? Having a goal "spend quality time together" is fine. How to achieve that is the issue. If he doesnt CHOOSE to make time for me, I cant force him. And you know what? Why should I force him to? We are RECONCILING. We are not in a DBing 7 step plan. We should try for this together. K
Happy week to you too! Its good news... Venus is about to go into Pisces for 2 weeks from the end of the week..Venus is in exaltation there and should bring good things!! Hmm.. heres yuor weekly stars..
6-13 april
So exactly how is a spiritually evolved person like yourself supposed to go on smiling and bowing and responding politely when your temperature is just about to reach the boiling point of lead? It is difficult to maintain an air of diplomacy and patience with people who have already pushed you way beyond the limits of human endurance, but do you really want to cut ties? Don't answer that.
...as for H..reading what you say, I wonder how much he realises he is hurting you by being away so much? Or does he even realise how little time he gives you? Could you give up talking to him and present it to him visually.. ask him to look at the hours he spends eating, sleeping, working, travelling, with friends, with the kids and .. with you.. and draw up like a Pie chart? Daily? Or do one for the average of the week..Or you do it, and show it to him?! And I dont mean in a kind of critical way, just to ask him calmly how he sees it.. you didnt want a D becuase you said your life was out of balance away from us.. do you feel you have the balance right now? I dont know, just an idea, as talking doesnt 'work'. As that brilliant book explains!
Also.. do you NOT feel connected to H then, despite seeing him sometimes? I never see my ex.. I see him after 4 months and within a day, the connection is there.. it just is, we are inexplicably connected despite the separation. That book was saying that lack of connection happens when we are resentful and reading your descriptions of how he ignores and rejects you and left you alone to live, dream, raise the children... I dont blame you. DO you feel resentful and what can you do to break that down?
Ali, dear Ali, I feel resentful because he still does the same things that brought us here. No time, no discussions, no fun times, no time alone without the kids, no compliments, no flirting, nothing...
I am not super perfect or anything, but I can see all our weaknesses and faults of the past. We were two people that messed up, BOTH of us.
I feel resentment building every day he "visits" us because it feels like a doctor's visit. I feel used and that I enable him to continue to treat me as nothing. He comes, checks base, and leaves to happily pursue his dream with "no obligations" towards me or the kids. Dont get me wrong, I am proud of him doing well. I supported him all these years. At least I did something good.
But...enough, dont you think? He is the one who left and wanted back because he needs me in his life, remember? Right now I dont know what I am, am I divorced to be, separated, reconciling, what the [censored] am I? I cant date, I cant be married, I am alone but morally committed to him. It's so eassssssyyyyy to start seeing things differently, you know what I mean?
It's been more than 2 years (with a fairy tale interjecting as you very well know) with no affection, no partnership of ANY kind. How long can a normal woman last? I dont care what other people say here about waiting years and years their Xspouses to come back after divorcing OPs, raising their new babies with OPs, hoping that once their child will marry, then they will get them back.
I am not like that, sorry. Maybe I am more human, meaning flawed. Who knows? I am a very emotional person. When I dont feel, I dont live. I am guilty of being passionate, in need of happy times, sex, affection, long discussions, dreams, etc...
What's wrong with that? It is so unfair to have my happiness opposite to my kids' happiness. Ohh well, I dont know. Maybe it is time to just close my eyes and make the jump... K
read your posts and it sounds like you are back to square one. As you know, I undersatnd the predicament you find yourself in. If your H was acting "normally", I would say do whatever it takes to make it work...hang on etc. But honestly with the way you describe his visits (doctor) and the time he "gives" you, it doe snot sound like he is committed to making this work. Sorry to be so negative. I am just trying to call it like I see it,,,it pains me to do so. There are tons of men out there that I am sure would line up for the opportunity that your H has. You are just not on top of his list for some reason. Now the question is what the puck to do to get there and question number two is do you really want to get there.
Yes, do the Pie Chart.. honestly. Will you show it to him? Ask him to do one? Ha... scan it into FB and we can all go OMG !!!
John, I'm not sure I would see it as lack of commitment.. quite the opposite, I think H is very committed to K and the kids, its more his inability to connect emotionally. He is a supreme avoider. The IC touched on this, but he hasnt gotton past it. The penny hasnt dropped with him and I dont know what it would take for it too. Maybe a big loss.. like losing you and the kids if you moved abroad??
Hi Maria,I am guessing but I think the way your h is behaving is more the normal for him than not. You have seen these traits all along but young love and babies meant you didn't forcus on them so much and you hadn't had the time alone and now you have had the time alone, you have seen real love up close and personal and now H's normal is more than you can bare.
Quote:
I dont care what other people say here about waiting years and years their Xspouses to come back after divorcing OPs, raising their new babies with OPs, hoping that once their child will marry, then they will get them back.
I am not like that, sorry. Maybe I am more human, meaning flawed.
No I call that being normal and healthy. We cannot know what "problems" many posters have that are not directly related to their marriage,that makes them hope these things and wait.Others do so because of their religion. I certainly do not see your happiness as opposed to your childrens happiness. In my experience children are affected more by the unhappiness of the parent they live with,rather than having an absentee parent. So try not to feel selfish on that score. The one MIA will have to make their own relationship with their children and often seem to spend more quality time with the kids than when they were all living under the same roof.
I can't say jump or not,that is your call but I can say I think it is nearly time to decide. Give the pie chart ago,but don't hold your breath or have expectations. ((((())))) Ali calls this my pride but do you want a marriage to a man that you have to give up so much of who you really are for just to keep that man by your side or not as the case may be. The life your living now seems harder than if you were a single parent.
