I have received the 'Notice of Proceedings' from the courts this morning, and as can be imagined I am feeling pretty low. My wife has not wavered at all and is focused on this to be resolved as quickly as possible.
I have got the opportunity to get involved in a new business involving my passion of golf. When my wife asked me why I was dressed up in a suit I told her the reasons, she said "its a shame you've taken ten years to finally start doing something". I don't know why 10 years were mentioned but its a WAS state of mind I guess. I told her this new role could really take off but she was not really interested in what I said. I have also produced flyers to post inhouses for computer work, this is something she said I should have done before. She told me what she intended doing today, I stupidy said something like "well if this business takes off then stick with me and you won't have to do all this extra work". As I said it I thought to myself "you idiot", persuing and sounding desperate. She, as you can imagine got angry and turned away from me. I think it was the reality setting in with the court documents and me sounding and getting desperate.
She is off for a week house-sitting with the children to give her some space, then I am off for 3 months when she gets back. I know you guys have said I should not go but I am doing what I think is the right thing to do as I have not DR'ed correctly as I backslide often and go back to square one. Our relationship has progressively got worse since January '09 so I need a good strategy for seperation that does not include going dark as my neglect is one of the reasons I am being petitioned.
I do appreciate all the advice I am being given, I read and absorb it and I really do try and put the advice I think I can use to good use. I am trying to remain positive as I do have a negative streak running through me, but the obvious fact staring me in the face is that this divorce will be going ahead, period. I cannot stop it but I want to continue trying with all my might to try and turn it around, but feel at a loss in how to do so in these circumstances.
Last edited by markhaving probs; 04/06/0909:56 AM.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I would also like to add that my wife clearly does not see me as a part of her future. She has purchased light fittings, is ordering new bed linen, small items of furniture etc - all items for the house when we have divorced. When I asked her if I should get an opportunity to select things for the house, she said "well, seeing as you won't own it soon, what is the point?". I defy anybody here to tell me this marriage is not over and any DR'ing or whatever will change that. As positive as I try to be, it looks like this relationship outcome is staring me in the face - DIVORCE.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I would also like to add that my wife clearly does not see me as a part of her future. She has purchased light fittings, is ordering new bed linen, small items of furniture etc - all items for the house when we have divorced. When I asked her if I should get an opportunity to select things for the house, she said "well, seeing as you won't own it soon, what is the point?". I defy anybody here to tell me this marriage is not over and any DR'ing or whatever will change that. As positive as I try to be, it looks like this relationship outcome is staring me in the face - DIVORCE.
IF it happens...people can still get back together after a divorce just like they can get back together after a separation. If it's still there for you both, a divorce won't keep you apart any more than a separation would...it just might take some time. Regardless, I believe the techniques and teachings of DB'n are sound and in all of our best interests. I am truly sorry for what you are dealing with, and I wish the best for you.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Which forum would be the best one for me to try and turn things around in my current situation - divorce papers processed and decree nisi in six weeks?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
You could try the midlife crisis forum Mark. Just introduce yourself on there and get stuck in. For later there is also the Divorced but not Done forum...if that's how you feel then.
There is nothing to say you have to move forum though.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
MLCers, in my opinion, tend to view things as two or three (or even more) year battles to be endured while the spouse in MLC eventually "comes out of it." It's just all about how to DEAL with them in the meantime.
I think Newcomers is best for newbies and gets the most traffic (altho MLC gets a ton, too), and Infidelity is best when there is an affair involved, because the strategies and tactics need to be slightly different.
