WAW1

[markhaving probs]

I have received the 'Notice of Proceedings' from the courts this morning, and as can be imagined I am feeling pretty low. My wife has not wavered at all and is focused on this to be resolved as quickly as possible.

I have got the opportunity to get involved in a new business involving my passion of golf. When my wife asked me why I was dressed up in a suit I told her the reasons, she said "its a shame you've taken ten years to finally start doing something". I don't know why 10 years were mentioned but its a WAS state of mind I guess. I told her this new role could really take off but she was not really interested in what I said. I have also produced flyers to post inhouses for computer work, this is something she said I should have done before. She told me what she intended doing today, I stupidy said something like "well if this business takes off then stick with me and you won't have to do all this extra work". As I said it I thought to myself "you idiot", persuing and sounding desperate. She, as you can imagine got angry and turned away from me. I think it was the reality setting in with the court documents and me sounding and getting desperate.

She is off for a week house-sitting with the children to give her some space, then I am off for 3 months when she gets back. I know you guys have said I should not go but I am doing what I think is the right thing to do as I have not DR'ed correctly as I backslide often and go back to square one. Our relationship has progressively got worse since January '09 so I need a good strategy for seperation that does not include going dark as my neglect is one of the reasons I am being petitioned.

I do appreciate all the advice I am being given, I read and absorb it and I really do try and put the advice I think I can use to good use. I am trying to remain positive as I do have a negative streak running through me, but the obvious fact staring me in the face is that this divorce will be going ahead, period. I cannot stop it but I want to continue trying with all my might to try and turn it around, but feel at a loss in how to do so in these circumstances.