It's all ablazin'....

[blindsided1]

I appreciate that you all take the time to "talk" to me and read my thread even though I have been absent a lot lately. But, it's not a bad absence. I just have things that I MUST attend to at this point in all of this. I have my paperwork together and I was smart enough to document EVERYTHING from the very beginning. This is where I KNOW I am better than him. I have always been a "list" freak (if you will). I write down everything. So, I documented his visits, his call (none), his lack of visits, cancelled visits, where every cent he has given me has gone. I hope it is enough. At this point, it's in the hands of the judge. H and I do not agree, so it will be up to the court. I am ready....NO EMOTIONS, JUST FACTS.

Friday, I picked K up from him and I was soooo anxious all day about seeing him after he got the papers from me....lo and behold...he was nice, pleasant and joking. WTF? So, at first, I thought "what's he up to?" Then I saw my daughter's head...with the huge black and blue goose egg on it. According to him, she fell and hit her head on the coffee table. I didn't make a scene. I know it was pure accident and these things happen. But, I wonder if he was being nice because he was worried I'd use that too. Then when I dropped her off today...nice, he was nice. He brought her home...nice, he was nice. So, now I'm sure there is something up his sleeve. I know it's horrible, but he hasn't been "nice" in a year and a half. I can't imagine that he all of a sudden had a change of heart. So, Wednesday is the day. The last court date, most likely. Then I guess I'll have to move to "Surviving". There were things that I didn't put in the papers, that I could have. Some of them were pretty awful. But, as you all know, I'm not a vindictive person. And, even though he has hurt me immensely, I have no desire to hurt him back. I DO love him. He will always be my family (to me). He is K's father and she loves him and he loves her.

Tonight was the first time I have seen him get sad. He brought her home and when he was leaving she reached out to him for a hug or kiss. I let him hold her. He gave her back and there were tears in his eyes....which, brought tears to mine. As he drove away K watched him drive all the way down the street and as he turned the corner he waved at her. It was the first time I felt like they would miss each other. It makes me sad. Sad, because he chose this. Sad, that our family is broken. But, he is not the man for me. He is K's father and I pray that he will always love her and be good to her, if no one else....be good to your daughter, Steve...please.