Also..you know, Amy and I talk about this every once in a while and say "were we so bad or was I that bad that.." and NO..of course you weren't Sam..you know better than that (2 x 4 inserted here)..there IS no rationalizing the irrational actions that the spouses do my friend!! I just don't want you to think you EVER were the sole or even main cause of this..YOU are working your brains out trying to help yourself and your family..that says a lot about you my friend
Tawnya
Tawnya, thanks for your kind words! I did not mean to sound like I even remotely thought that I am a bad husband or anything like that. I was just saying that I would like to ask W that, to make her think about what she's doing.
Tawnya, thanks for stopping by! I'll post some more on my Sunday tomorrow night. Gotta get some decent sleep, gotta get up early for work again tomorrow...
{{{Sam}}} That's what friends are for right..LOL...2 x 4s hehe..tho I always say mine are never actually those..they are usually like little planks or twigs
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I think I am not expressing myself very well lately. Thinking this over on the way home, what I should have written earlier is that I was not asking those questions of myself, I was wanting to ask them my W, to make her think, because my answer would be NO to all of these questions!
Update on Sunday: Went to W's parents house in the morning. W is pretty upbeat and shares stuff and we talk about all kinds of things, she jokes around and shows me failblog.org (you should check it out btw, it's hilarious!!!) On Sat, W showed her shop and her apartment to her sister and her sister just sort of hung out over there. Anyways, W's sister is staying at her parents house with her kids. We were gonna go see a movie in the afternoon. On the way to the movie theater, W rides with her sister and her kids. On the way, I am sure they talked, because when W and I and the kids were on the way home after the movie, W is very quiet. I ask her if she's not feeling well and she says no she's not and she's mad at her parents. Apparently, her sister told her/their parents that she's living in a sh!thole apartment (W's words). I agree that it's not high end by a long shot, but it's a place and W says that's all she can afford. Anywho, her sister and W's parents have been siding with me all along the whole sitch and I don't think it's helping things. W just gets really pissed off about it. But I have nothing to do with their attitude. I made a mistake last Oct when I gave them some details about stuff that was going on and that caused big trouble. So I have not talked to any of them about the sitch at all since then and I told W that I wouldn't in Oct. She knows that now and is not blaming me for this, but it still sucks and does not help things along. It does bother me less and less these things I have noticed. It's just that I really feel that none of that is my fault.
((((Sam))))...well, at least she's not blaming you. That's something. I've been blamed for everything.
I think your best approach with her family is the one you are apparently already taking. The one where you just make sure you don't say anything else. That's really all you can do. And, at some level, it may not be so bad that they are on your side. I know it appears to be right now, but later, when she's thinking more rationally, their feelings may have a positive impact on the sitch.
I've been really caught up in my mess the past few days, but I'm done with that for a while. So, I'll try to keep up with you a little better.
Hugs and love to you and the boys! Amy
Me 39 H 36 S 7 S 4 T 15 M 12 H out 8/1/08 OW confirmed 8/6/08 D final on 6/12/09...I'm doing good!
{{{Amy}}} I know you have been blamed for a lot. It's pretty clear from your thread. But you're getting to a point now where you can tell your H all the things you have probably wanted to say for a long time. That should make you feel better to let him know you're not taking all the blame he's sending your way. I know you're in a difficult time right now, so don't feel bad about not visiting here as often, it's OK! Sending strength your way!! >>>>>>> Do you feel it yet?
It was right after the time in Oct that I talked to her family about things that I registered here. I realized I could use some advice from other people in similar sitches on how to handle this kind of stuff, because what I did apparently was just adding fuel to the fire...
I hope you're right about the fact that it might work in a positive way at some point. Right now it certainly doesn't, as you said. Who knows? I'm just working on loving detachment for the time being and we'll see how the MC session goes.
{{{Sam}}} Yeah I am glad she's not blaming you..as I too, like Amy, have done anything/everything wrong under the sun :P
I THINK I remember you posting that in October, tho not sure if I am thinking of you or someone else..but it's so good that you were/are willing to learn from others about what to do/not do and it definitely shows
Hugs and hope you are having a great day my friend!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Well, only a few months back she was still blaming me for the bad relationship she has with her parents, but apparently not anymore. So, to me, that's actually a pretty good improvement! I was just getting tired of hearing over and over again that my ONE discussion with them is what caused her parents to not care about her. It's been like that for years!!! It was like that when I met her for the first time 11 yrs ago, and it's STILL like that!!! And my 30min convo with them screwed everything up? Anyways, I did not feel any blame from her on that at all this time, not verbal or even non-verbal, so I am glad about that.
Yesterday, she comes to pick up the boys and was venting to me about how her mother treated her when she went by her parents house to say goodbye to her sister (driving back home today, to your state T! ). I fully agree with everything she said, they are all things I have been saying for the past 10 or so years, and so I was able to give her some validation on that. I mean, she KNOWS that I am on her side as far as her parents are concerned, but she seemed to have forgotten that, but it's slowly sinking back in I think.
{{{Sam}}} Well good..it's good she feels she CAN vent to you about it, if you look at it that way And I'm glad you gave her some support on that, sounds like she needs it!!
Hope you have good weekend plans!!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
