(((mishka)))) thanks for your encouragement!!! I've been thinking about you a lot, and I wanted to give you your own box!! The school isn't berklee, but longy. I have some friends who went to berklee though, and I went there for a summer workshop once. Can I tell you--the same thing that happened to you also happened to me? I auditioned at NEC when I was 17 and I totally lost control of my body. Really. It was so terrible, none of my teachers had really coached me on the psychology of preparing to perform vs. just preparing to play. I completely, utterly bombed the audition, and didn't get in to any of the music schools I appplied to. So I didn't do performance for my undergrad, and i had a HUGE inferiority complex about my abilities as a musician (esp in the "classical cello performance" arena) for a really long time. It took me years of working through my issues to get the guts to audition for my masters. And now just because I forced myself to perform all the time I really love performing now. (at least most of the time)
Don't beat yourself up about what happened to you. If my story is not enough, my dad gave up the guitar for ... 20 or 30 years? Right before I left for college he started playing again, just pulling it out and picking out tunes when everyone else was asleep. He started going to improv workshops, and slowly started jamming with people, attending shows, introducing himself to musicians, asking people over to jam at his/our house... now he is totally in the DC music scene and performs all the time. It is crazy. He is my hero. He went from totally blocked and rusty and frustrated to creating and performing all the time! you could do it too Mishka!!!! Have you read the book "the artist's way" by julia cameron? It is so amazing... about recovering from loss as an artist, and helping your creativity come back into your life, gently, slowly, juicy-ly. please get it!!!
I was also thinking... you know how a long time ago you said you were interested in yoga but you were afraid of looking like a beached whale? I know the yoga image is really intimidating-- like you have to be a 100 pound gymnast to do it or something. But seriously, any *good* yoga teacher will welcome ALL body types. You can read the descriptions and pick a class that seems the least intimidating. If you ever go to a yoga class and the vibe or the teacher makes you feel fat, it is a BAD TEACHER and a BAD CLASS!!! yoga is really, really, really for everyone!!! I just read this blurb in yoga magazine (I think the march issue) about this man who literally weighed 500 or 600 pounds. He started going to yoga class... he lost like 300 or 400 pounds!!!! So don't be scared!!!! And speaking of body stuff, I just found this awesome author, Geneen Roth. (Appetites, When Food is Love, When you eat at the refrigerator, pull up a chair, etc) HIGHLY RECOMMEND. !!!! She decided to stop dieting completely and eat whatever she wanted, but only when she was hungry, and only food she really wanted to eat. So she gained some weight... and then she lost weight. And kept losing weight. And she has helped many others do the same. Her message is all about trusting your body instead of trying to control and deny it. It is so crazy, but so exciting!
And in your post to julia.... about never getting to go anywhere even though you are a travel agent... I know it is hard when you have kids, and I know finances are tight... but what little adventure can you give yourself? Can you make yourself an espresso and eat a special croissant (even if you can't go to paris)? Can you rent or check out from the library a movie set in a city you've always wanted to visit? Can you go on a 20 minute hike you've always wanted to take, but have been postponing? What can you do to feed your passion and imagination with the resources you have right now? We are good at baby steps here, right, but it is so easy to squelch our dream sprouts because we are looking for dream trees. I just noticed on the BB that you are very supportive other people's dreams and say that you wish you could do them too. What are 10 tiny steps you could take towards your own dream?
