((((Jeff)))) thank you for reading! I do feel like there is still room in my dreams for him. But also, that this is a slow long slog, and I might as well be doing what I really want and going for what I really love, because if we're talking on the phone once a month, does it matter if i'm in bali or if i'm in london or if I'm in boston? does that make sense? My heart is open to him but I recently realized that letting go doesn't have to mean "stop caring", but it can mean, "stop trying to control everything." If he called me tonight and said, "I love you, I want you to move to new york," or, "I love you, I'm moving to wherever I think you will be," I would definitely think about it, but since I'm not expecting that to happen anytime soon, I am making my own plans and focusing on what I really want. Does that make sense?
((((ali)))) thanks so much for your thoughts! I read priya kale but I think I ended up talking to B a few days later. *for the record* I think that particular 90 minute conversation he called me. But it does feel good to feel like I can just call him. But, as you know, it took a long time to get here!!! It actually doesn't feel bittersweet. It actually just feels really good to be able to reopen the connection with him. Though, of course, I still fantasize about making wild love to him you know, at least daily!!!!
((((kalni))) hey sweet friend!!! I'm sorry I didn't post for so long--I have been trying to be more self-reliant in my decision making and interactions with B. I am hypothetically open to being interested in other people-- I mean, I'm 28, and I don't "know" that B's the right guy for me, given what's happened, and at many times I question if circumstances will ever permit reconciliation occur. I still love him, and really care about him, but at least on an intellectual level I'm aware that there might be other men out there for me. I am *hot* and *beautiful*, but most of the attention I get in atlanta is from nasty old guys--partly because I'm not really interacting that much with people in my age range in my current weird atlanta lifestyle, partly because I think guys are intimidated?? I dunno??? Maybe my Sex Chakra is blocked and guys can smell it??? Shrug????? When guys hit on me I don't usually write about it because usually it is a...weird guy and it doesn't make me feel that good.
((((julia)))) thanks for your loving thoughts! i am so proud of all your progress in your sitch too!!!
((((OD)))) I love your questions as always. I am feeling a lot more relaxed and natural. It is sort of like, f--- it!! What's the worst thing that could happen??
