Just missing you guys a little!

[sandi2]

You do have a right to be angry, sweetheart, and you don't need to keep pushing it down inside b/c it will come out in another way that is very unhealthy. It takes different things for different people to do in order to get that anger out of their system. I have told some people to get one of those heavy boxer's punching bags. For others, it takes counseling, and for others it takes a lot of prayer and reading the Bible. Just don't be ashamed of your anger or try to hide it behind a bright smile to those of us that love you and want to help you through this chapter in your life. Do whatever you need to do to get it out or it will be like a cancer.......and you don't want that. While the boys are away is a good time to do that. Throw darts at H's picture or scream or whatever. I've not been through this but I found physical hard work would settle me down when I was very mad about something, but your anger is deep and you may have to experiment to find out how to get it up out of you. Maybe you have tried too hard to be a "good" girl and a "good" Christian in how you have handled all of this. (I hope that statement is not misunderstood by anyone.) I don't mean to go backslide and lose the ground you've gained. But good Christian people get angry at injustice. And that is how you see all of this stitch, so you have a right to feel that emotion and don't feel guilty by allowing it to come out. As long as you don't do something to hurt another one......then figure out what to do that will free you up from that. You don't want to be a prisoner. It will take time and as you said, you will have bad days, but if you can figure out what works for you when this anger is stirred up, it sure would help.

Birthdays and other holidays will be one of the very hardest things to deal with. When the boys gets a bit older, it won't matter to them which day that have their party on....... and getting two parties will be cool to them. This time next year, it will begin to dawn on the boys that they will get twice as much at holidays. Of course, I realize that doesn't help your heart one bit right now, but it is part of the pain you have to work through, sweetie.

You know you can come here and blow your stack to us any time, cause we love you and know this is what you need to do.

Try to have a good night's sleep and not dwell on what all is going on over there on that island. It only makes things worse when you do that. I think I remember telling you once that to plan ahead for these difficult times by not being alone (unless you really want to be) and be with friends or have something special to do while all that other is going on. There are times, though, that we really want that time alone........and that's okay. Just don't be hard on our Amy when you are alone, okay?

Love,
Sandi