Fresh Start

[QuietTime]

I am feeling down today. Today is H's birthday. He is very depressed. It is his day with D, and I know he wants me to spend time with them but I will not. He is feeling very sorry for himself and I am feeling very angry today. Because all I can think about is last year.

Last year on H's birthday he was still living at home and denying the A. I asked what he wanted for dinner and made his favourite, while I was out getting groceries he left and did not return. D was to go to my parents and as I will still DBing (or my version of it) I decided to just go with the flow so I ignored that dinner was ruined and forgotten and I dressed up and went out to meet H. He greeted me as if he was happy to see me and did not mention not coming home for 5 hours. While we were at the bar H got up to go to the bathroom and left! I left after I realized he was gone, and then saw he was not home. Shortly after I got a call from him saying he had been picked up by the police (on his way to OW;s)could I come get him. I did and then he accused me of calling the police on him. Long story short they charged him with speeding and ignored the DUI as it came with a minimum 10000 fine and a year's loss of license. So I drove him home while he proceeded to hit, choke and try to cause us to get in a car accident, then rip the wiper arm off the steering column. When we got home he wrecked the walls in my bathroom and the door. The following day I exposed the affair to his parents in a cry for help. He moved out that week and never returned.

So today as he feels sorry for himself I feel so angry. So angry that I allowed myself to be treated that way and still wanted him to stay, or to return once he left, and so angry that he is having a little pity party because the day isn't all that he expected.

On a happier note, I had a very nice time at the PWP meetup pot luck and easter egg hunt.