Well he was teary during the session but he said nothing about the suggestion. He did tell the counselor, "I don't want to try again and then 3 years from now we are right back where we started." She said, "Oh, so you want to try but you are afraid to try..." That was before she suggested MC...
Before he left for the night I started to ask him about it. I said, "Did you have any thoughts about what the therapist recommended--" then I cut myself off and said, "never mind, if you had thoughts to share with me you would have shared them". And he said, "That's right...."
Then this morning he met us at church. The message was about accepting Jesus now, not waiting for some other day/time. The whole message was about how our lives are so fleeting. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not guaranteed to anyone, ALL WE HAVE IS NOW, this moment...
I was crying at a couple points because although it was about accepting Jesus it is so true in our situation too. What is there to wait for? What is the magical turn of events that makes it 'safe' to come back home? We only have now and we are wasting that time...this situation has been going on for over half of Sydney's life! Dan noticed me wiping my eyes and asked, "Leaking?" in a playful way. He actually looked a little misty-eyed by the end of the sermon, too.
Oh well. I just know I cannot keep on like this much longer at all. We have as much playful banter and inside jokes and stuff now as we had during much of our relationship. We have most of the friend thing back but not the man/wife thing. Sigh...I will probably have to break of the friendly stuff b/c it fills me with expectations. The counselor commented on how well we got along and worked together for the kids, spent time together, etc. Why is he so thick headed.
