Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

So H sent me a long heart-felt email. Sorry for all the difficulty the last few months. Says he doesn't feel comfortable in our home, doesn't feel he belongs in our home. He is actively looking for another place tolive once his lease for the apartment is up in July. He doesn't know how to talk to me anymore. He's not proud of his behaviors but not ashamed of his feelngs. Doesn't feel like talking directly today-just via email.

I don't know if this is a backslide-since I feel if he makes the effort to dialogue I should reciprocate. I can distance after..I do feel the empathy/caring for him seeing him suffer and I do feel it sucking me back in, but I am remaining calm and distant so far.
I emailed him lots of "i feel" and "I think" statements. Just stated my boundary about needing honesty to maintain friendship. Telling him I didn't think I could be his friend when he is with the OW, as he won't be honest with me then..I stated I could listen without judgement. I shared my opinion that the detachment he feels, the barriers he's put up between us are the cause of him not being comfortable in our home. If there was openness he'd feel at home here. I think I shared everything very calmly with good, non-blaming words, took responsibility for my part in getting us whre we are..Will probably be the last full-blown sharing for awhile...
He didn't mention OW in his email, but I think I know more than he's shared...I doubt he'll be able to open up with me, but it was worth one last shot.