Do you think your H is hedging his bets by moving so far away? Just a thought. What do you think he'd say if you told him you will D him if he doesn't find a job in your vincinity and move back home?
H came for a week over Easter and then left. His contract has now ended but he's unsure whether it will be renewed. He is now unemployed. In any case, he has no intentions of moving back permanently to the city I live in because he was "never happy here". I have told him I will not be moving across the country yet again but he won't give up on that. As I posted before, he now wants to move to another city and work at his friend's business. I've made it very clear that I won't uproot my whole life again (secure job, all my family, very ill father, my friends) and that if he wants to work on our M, he'll have to move back here. I've also made it clear to him that if he comes back he must have a meaningful job to come back to. For the last 19 years that we've been together, H has had job after job after job in different parts of the country even but has never been happy. I've supported us financially while he got his Master's degree and then another degree but still he was not happy. I've told him that I need love, honesty, trust, stability and security and that means staying in one job, one city for an extended period of time. I really don't know if he'll ever be able to provide me with any of those things. He continues to call every day, even more than once a day. He tells me he wants things to work out between us. This will be pretty difficult to do if we're living in opposite ends of the country. Grrrr!!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
A new place/job/woman is obviously not going to make him happy-- HE is his problem, and wherever he goes, there he is. I know you have been telling him this for a long time. Has he done anything to help himself? How does he say the M is supposed to work if he won't move back to where you are? Does he really think you can be persuaded to move with him again after what happened the last time?
I've also heard that all too often - it is always someone else's fault, always blaming someone else.
Andabelle - H stayed here for the 10 days. He was very loving and attentive. I was the one maintaining boundaries. He does believe that I should move across the country for a third time, even after what happened the last two times. Both times I moved across the country with him, he cheated on me. The first A was very short lived and I'm not sure whether it was a PA but still when I confronted him with what I discovered, he told me he wanted a D. S was less than 2 at the time. H now expects me to move again and I've told him that he has to do what he must but I won't be moving. I've been living with this lack of security long enough. Almost every year since we've been married, he's wanted us to move elsewhere. A couple of times he moved away on his own to work and then realized the job wasn't really what he wanted.
He keeps telling me he wants to be happy. I've told him it must come from within.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
