Hi Julia, thanks for the advice. I see what you are saying but there are a few things I may have not explained well, or you may have missed. H has no option to come home earlier. He doesnt choose to stay at work every night instead of being here. He chose to take a job he knew would keep him away from us when he was "ready" to go. So, no matter how "happy" I fake it to look like, he cant come home early.
Also, this issue has been discussed between us in the context of "how can we reconcile if we dont see each other" which I believe you will agree is a logical question. Nevertheless, the times he chose to come home, even if it was very late, he found me in bed (after 1 in the morning), so I wasnt nagging. In the morning I would wake up, let him sleep and be in a good mood. Typically he wakes up around noon so our morning is also "wasted" but I dont nag about it. I would be affectionate (considering our sitch) and not mad at all.
Today I decided to take FG's advice and not wait around for him. So I got the kids ready early and took them to a nice playground by the sea and then we had made plans to go eat at a nice taverna. He called around noon, he was at my home wondering where we were. I told him we were out and he came and joined us. I dint nag, didnt tell him anything. I was having fun with my kids. He came with us for lunch and then left.
It's been 6 WHOLE MONTHS we've trying to reconcile and he still hasnt found time ONCE to spend 2 hours alone with me. He only spends time with us as family. I know he feels he cant please everybody but he CHOOSES to please himself by being 100% devoted to his work.
I have tried talking, crying, explaning, everything I could think of, I've tried to initiate affection (not sex), put a happy face on but nothing seems to make me the better option. Let's just say I am feeling the rejection all over again. But this time I know better, it is NOT my problem and what I do or dont do. I can only do so much. What he does it's his choice.
Right now he looks like he is content with the current arrangement: he sees us when he can, he is working as much as he wants and he feels he is doing his best. He has this look on his face all the time "sorry, I cant stay, sorry, you know my schedule"...
My job would be to see if I can take this and be happy with it. And I do have a question you guys may be abl eto help me with : when/if I start living my life again, with my kids, my friends, my family, I will be drifting even further away from him.These months that I havent been doing that, meaning wait for him at home to get here when he wakes up, blocking my weekends for him, I am not LIVING. But if I do things like today more, even our family time together will become even less. When you have ONE day per week with your partner, the kids need to see him too, you spend it as a family. And at least I used to try to guard it as precious. But leaves me ... lacking. NOT happy. What should I do. Go do my "own thing" or "accommodate" him? For example, every couple of months I used to visit one of my best friends 2 hours away from Athens. I havent done it since July. I want to go. If I do, that would mean he wont see us for 2 weeks. Do I do my own thing?
And again, as he told me a few times, people have long distance relationships with persons across the ocean and manage to feel close to each other, we live 45 minutes apart and it feels worse... Why? Because he NEVER, NEVER has shown to me any interest about me, my life, my feelings, my thoughts. Sure, he cares about technicalities but believe me, technicalities are not my problem. THe way we are now, I wouldnt be surprised if he found a co worker- again- to fall in love with. Our connection is NOT there. He wants what we had, I want the whole... world.
Maybe I am wrong but I honestly dont think I can explain how crooked this situation is. I feel my back is against the wall and dont like it a bit. K
