Most Difficult Time of My Life

[Kokopelli]

My IC told me the other day that what we are seeing in our WAW may seem as though it's a different person, but it's a side of them that has always been there. This may be true, but if it is then her behavior is definitely magnified because this is extreme for her. This is very difficult to deal with. I am on day 4 of no contact, I feel myself breaking down more often, longing to hear from her. I didn't do great about GAL'ng this weekend, spent most of my weekend on this forum and moping around my new apartment.

I did go out with some mutual friends last night and then to the movies with another friend. I fell asleep in The Fast and Furious movie. Man, I keep doing that, I never fell asleep in movie theaters before this sitch occurred. One of our friends had been drinking a bit before I got there, he managed to let his lips be looser than usual...he was telling me that he didn't think W & I are right for each other and felt that way for sometime. He told me he thought I put W on a pedestal and continue to be very protective/defensive of her even though she's treating me the way she is. He went on to say that I should move on, and that he thinks I will be better off in the long run.

This situation is awkward because he doesn't really know me or my W that well. I have only known him for 1 year, but even then it's been a distant relationship at best. His girlfriend is (was) W's best friend. So he's heard some things from his lady that my W had been saying in the past, even before the bomb. It's interesting to hear some things, but honestly I was pretty irritated at his comments last night. Telling me that me and my W aren't right for each other?? That really upset me...we've been together for almost 9 years, this dude really doesn't know either one of us.

Is it wrong for me to be protective of WAW and things people say about her? I'm still her husband and feel that is my responsibility, I mean I still love her more than anything. Being told to just "move on" is tough for me also because I don't want to just move on from my M! My M is the single most important thing to me! I'm just venting a bit, but I guess everyone else keeps telling me the writing is on the wall and my W is gone, why do I keep hanging on? Blind faith that our love is so real it can't disappear.

Well, time to get ready for church...