DB doctrine says stop doing what isn't working...thats not to say that what you have been doing isn't working - but I wonder, if you keep doing what you have been doing, will that work?
Could it be that this phase has run its course? You've afforded him a truly enormous amount of patience and space, without anger or resentment...and at the same time managed to achieve an enormous amount of growth for yourself...
Could it be that this event marks the time to do something different...what is your natural inclination right at the moment?
IMO you have an invitation now to try something different...perhaps even to become the OW! It sounds as if you "get him" in a way that H doesn't...he must know that / feel it and also want it...I would...
