I'm, of course, not TRULY dark, just as dim as possible. For example, I had to contact W today to ask her to drop off a book report that D8 has due on Monday, otherwise D8 will get a B.
However, that is the only type of communication I give or receive. She texted me today because she drove by me and the kids - it was a friendly text so I ignored it.
Going dark has many levels: in my situation, there is an affair. I established with W that I loved her, loved my family, but I would not have a relationship with her while she was in an affair.
So, what I've done is put the choice in her hands, and allowed her to choose what happens to our family. She is welcome to return, and be a family - as long as she ends the affair.
Detaching is more general - it's not being co-dependent, it means to remove yourself from the daily agony of reliving mistakes you've made in a marriage, it means focusing on yourself, and what you can stand.
