THAT is one of the main things I have come to realize in my sitch. In my case, it was me expecting my W to make me happy instead of taking action myself.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
I need these things, and I think I have a right to pursue them in my life in order to be who I am and to be happy. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO PROVIDE THEM FOR ME -- and that's okay too. I would prefer for us to get to this place together, but I can't ask you to be who you are not anymore than you can ask ME to, so please let me know."
I understand the distinction. You make it a generic person (this type of person is who I want to be with), so that the pressure is off the WAS. The WAS now has the CHOICE to either (a) realize that they CAN be this type of person, or (b) realize they CANNOT be that type of person. Either way, the LBS comes across as knowing very well what they want from a R and non-compromising.
Gucci,
You clarified further what PDT was posting earlier. Thanks for taking the time to make sure others and I understand the distinction!
But there was one part of your post that I did not quite follow:
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
How many times have we seen on this site the WS telling the BS what they didn't do and why they want out, only to see the BS do a 180 on those exact things she mentioned. The WS is demanding nothing. They are saying they don't know what they really want, but it is too late now and here are the things I wanted or want in a relationship that you didn't do. You are trying to be someone you aren't.. On and on and on.... It wasn't until they let the BS feel that they weren't sure that the BS finally got with the program.....
I understand the first part. The WAS is saying during the bomb: these are the things I need from a R/M and you didn't do those and that's why I want out. But then you say they are saying they don't really know what they want. How is that? Didn't they just say with the "bomb", these are the things you didn't do? Or, what I think you may be saying is: the WAS is telling the LBS that he or she doesn't know anymore if the LBS can be the type of person he or she wants to be in a R/M with. And if 180's happen, they think that the LBS is trying to be someone they aren't. Is that what you mean?
So in the end, I think you are saying that the LBS can almost turn the tables and give the WAS a "bomb", by telling them THEY now aren't sure whether the WAS can be the type of person that they want a R/M with.
