W picked up boys just now. One of them didn't want to go, was throwing a HUGE scene while W picks him up to put him in the car. Those are the moments I really hate!! Those are also the moments that I want to keep going... Just makes me want to ask W: "Is me ignoring you while I go through a depression (it's not like I was doing it on purpose and I was hurting during that time too!) really worth making the kids have to make a choice between mommy and daddy for the rest of their lives? Am I really that bad a of a husband right now that it is worth it putting the kids through this?" I just don't get it sometimes.... Actually, NO! I just don't get it PERIOD!
W calls me 10 min later saying he's fine now and he really just wanted her to buy him a toy, he was just "using" us. Well, I can still hear him crying in the background, so he didn't sound OK to me...
I know Gucci and PDT are strong proponents of taking hard stance, but to me it feels like I am playing roulette with my kids' lives. It's becoming more and more about the kids for me. I do still love my W tremendously! I know I could be happy with her if she would be more like a family mom. She wouldn't need to be a stay-at-home mom, but just someone that enjoys the kids and makes them a priority. It feels like they are in her way all the time. For example, when she called me to tell me she wanted to pick them up, she did not say I miss them and I want to see them and I've got this and this lined up for me to do with them. No, it's I just want to give you a break so you can do what you want to do and sleep in tomorrow morning. Additionally, she's doing some of the cooking for a birthday party for one of her friends tonight, so I know they ARE gonna be in the way and will just be parked in front of the TV... She wasn't like this 3 years ago.... She used to be a dedicated mother for years....
Just a funny sidenote about her call: I was just talking to the neighbor (a single woman a few years older than I am) when W called and I actually purposely picked up while I was in mid-sentence to her about some cookies that the boys were eating. So I picked up the call, finished my sentence to her (2 sec or so) then said hello. Of course the boys are still talking to the neighbor and she is talking to them and W can hear that but doesn't mention it. When she gets to the house a little later, we are talking and all of a sudden she asks who I was talking to when she called and said she heard a woman there with me and the boys. I told her it was the neighbor, because she has a right to know who is with our kids and I wouldn't want her to lie about who is with our kids when they are with her. But I thought it was funny that she couldn't help asking.
