DA Club III

[Kokopelli]

@Ant,
Going dark as I understand it is when you basically shutdown all communication and contact from your S with the exception of important issues. It is not supposed to be done by being cold or distant. When they engage us, we respond friendly and lovingly. We just do not engage them and only respond to certain requests from them. Do not go to all invitations to do things, don't return all calls/texts, etc.


@Pearl,
Thanks for taking time to write. I think I am beginning to understand the detachment thing a bit better. It's a delicate dance in my mind though because detaching feels like the wrong thing to do if you want to save your M. How do you ignore your S if they are reaching out to you? How do you tell when they are really ready to try to work on things?

Now, I realize the ?'s above are way ahead of myself, because I am definitely nowhere near that point. I just like to be prepared, and also I get worried that I might detach too much and not really want the R back. Did you make a conscience decision to start working on things again after you felt like you didn't want to go back?

As much as it seems like I am completely focused on saving M, I really have been making changes for myself to improve myself. That's what I want from this process, with a positive repercussion of saving my M. I have been doing IC learning more about myself, and my contributions to the breakdown of our R.

I am moving into the stage you were at...let the R go and only contact for important purposes or in response to her. I definitely feel more anxiety today and the last couple of days because it's the first time W and I have had no contact in 8.5 years! We always communicate daily in some fashion, even after the bomb dropped. My sitch has been on newcomers for a while, I just wanted to stretch out and get some new POV's!

Koko