Thank you for your input. My IC has been concerned about me and holding in angry feelings too, so I will be sure to find an outlet for them. Even if it just means putting an extra plate on the bar when I workout.
But you're right about dropping the rope and going dark. I think I am at the point where I really just want to drop the rope and go dark now.
This morning she asked if I was ready to talk. I said not really, but I did tell her that I know she wants us to be friends and have an amicable D. And using what I read someone else use in their thread, I said that I'm not at the point where I can do that yet. I need time to get there and catch up to where she is. She quickly replied that I don't have to do anything yet, and she filed to just get it started cause she felt she had to do something but it doens't mean that I have to do anything right now or that we are just ending it right now.
I said that I really wanted us to have a physical separation for now. And I will be partly moving in with my parent's. I say partly moving out, because there will be days I need to be up here and also I do want to see my son. And I might just come here in the day to do things I need to do while she is gone at work. She said ok to the separation.
Going dark won't be a problem cause I really want this time apart to try to move on with my life while knowing that I did try every option including separation before a D. Yes, it sounds like I have completely given up, but maybe I have. It is up to fate now. After time apart, if I have not already moved on and gotten over her, and she somehow comes around, then maybe we can try to work on our R. But even then, I feel that too much trust has been violated and I don't know if I can ever get that back now.
I just don't know how to do this while also trying to spend time with my son also. It kills me to not be able to see him every single day. I want to call him every night, but I don't want to call because my W will be here to pick up the phone. I could still pick him up from daycare, but I don't think I should because that has always given her the flexibility of coming home whenever, or coming up with last minute dinner plans with friends. And I want her to feel what it is like to be a single parent without my support, that I feel was taken for granted, around anymore.
How do people handle going dark or separation when a child is involved? If anyone has suggestions or experience, I'd really like to hear from you.
