Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Thanks for the words of encouragement! I definitely can use them. My H's friend(he and his family were close friends of ours for several years) left me a message to call him. He hadn't seen my H in about a month and wanted to know how things were going before he saw H. He knows the OW-as they all work out at the same place and he filled in a few details for me. I guess the Ow has only been divorced for a year or so. She is obsessed with working out, wears skimpy outfits, fake boobs, big tattoo(no judgement-just facts)-totally what I would suppose my"teenage" H would be attracted to-so not like me.
I guess this OW had approached both my H and our friend about working out together...Obviously she(and my H) crossed the line/wall of marriage. Our friend thinks my H actually may see a future with the OW(news to me)but they have had some fights and when they fight she scares my H...Their politics are completely at odds as are their parenting values. I found out more details that my H shared with our friend so that I know my H is still giving me only half truths. I believe he is still working out at the expensive gym (that I think she must belong to-although when questionned he denies) even though he stopped his membership(couldn't afford it). Says they had an open house last weekend..but was on their website a few days ago.
So my anger is up. I feel that my boundary about lying is solid. I really don't have much to say to H as long as he lies to me. I really don't want him as my H if he continues to lie. I love him dearly but he so messed up at this point, and the OW with her own agenda seems to just be worsening/lengthening the process he's going through.
I think I understand that the lying and secretiveness(as well as the A) is part of the "teenage" thing MLCers go through, but is it in the Depression phase or the Replay stage,both or all stages??
If a person is depressed before they start a full-blown MLC-does that change the stages they go through? Just trying to wrap my head around the process so I can understand and remain distant.

I am focused on me. I'm working out, reading, journaling, going to bookclub. I plan to take a few cooking classes and maybe some yoga. At some point I think I'll start separating our assets, but don't want to hit him when he is down so to speak..so I'm willing to let more time pass to see where we are.
Its hard to see someone you love and have loved for almost half your life make such a mess of their and your family's lives.
Its hard to see them struggle and learn through making the stupidest choices you can imagine as their only way to learn. I've always had a hard time letting go/saying goodbye and this is the ultimate test for me.
My H was supposed to go with me on a work conference trip over Mother's day weekend(tickets he bought for he and OW were changed to me and H)-not sure if he will-we haven't talked about it. We are also supposed to go to a group communication class for 6 weeks starting 4/21-he hasn't mentionned that either.

I plan to remain as dim as I can for the next few weeks...
Any thoughts or helpful ideas?