DA Club III

[Kokopelli]

Hi All,
I am getting really confused about the DA. It seems as though everyone is shutting down hope of reconciliation. Is that the purpose? I am struggling so badly and want nothing more than to work on my R with WAW. I am currently dark, but how do you "work" on the R, if we aren't recipricating contact?

Do we wait until they have an epiphany and say I made a mistake and want our M back? I think that is highly unlikely. I thought we are supposed to minimize negative feelings (going dark helps with this right?), and then be open and engaging when contacted in order to build positive experiences towards a possible reconciliation.

I dunno.

My sitch is so out of control right now, I don't have time to write about the whole thing. But my WAW filed for D 4 weeks ago and has been on a mad dash to get it done and me out of her life as fast as possible. I moved out last weekend, officially in my own apt for 1 week today, and am hating it.

There are some nice things...no walking on eggshells around the house anymore, but I can't do the loving things that she wanted me to do since I'm not there anymore. I was doing them in February, but obviously they didn't work since she filed D. I have been minimizing contact, actually only responding to her contact over the past 2 weeks.

Last weekend during the move W was incredibly disrespectful to my space but I continued to do loving things for her. The next day (Sunday) I stopped by to pickup final items and of course she engaged me into R talk and bickering.

She said "you waited until I told you I want to seperate before making any changes!" Obviously, she has noticed the changes in me, however, lately I have been more cold/distant with her...I don't know how to balance it. Later that evening she gave me a long hug and told me she missed my hugs, and then she told me that she loves me. This was SO confusing for me.

She contacted texted me Monday to see how me and my dad were doing, Monday was my Mom's Bday (she passed 2 years ago). I did not reply.

Met with her on Wednesday to pickup the car registration and engaged in small talk, she invited me to lunch. I initially accepted, and then back pedaled almost immediately. We ended up arguing about how to divide the money for the D. I knew better, but got sucked in.

There has been NO contact since then. Today makes 3 days. It is killing me. W is in CA for friends Bridal shower, she is maid of honor. I will not contact her, but am struggling that she has not ocntacted me either.

I am losing hope of reconciliation but do not want to give up. Going dark seems like the absolute wrong thing to be doing! I do know that pursuing obviously hasn't worked either.

I feel encouraged that she has noticed my changes, and that she still expressed that she loves me. But now, no contact is torturing me. This is the first no contact with W in almost 9 years, even during the last 2 months of this process of S/D.

I don't know what to do, please help with some advice!