Um..there were lots of hugs and holding hands and lots of crying but I felt the whole conversation was pretty much the same as last November, word for word, but more open. From what I can remember...

He said - I am glad you are ok Al.. I asked if it was ok that I was there (as I wasnt sure).. had he wanted me to be? And he said Yes! yes, he had wanted to see me, he was glad to see me.. he missed me.. The biggest thing I heard him say was...I miss you terribly.. I said, you do !??? He was very emphatic.. Yes, I miss you terribly, I miss you so much, I miss you every day, I think about you all the time.. I told him I missed him and now I was crying.. that I missed him every day, I missed him so much it was killing me. I said he was my best friend, that I missed him, we were friends 13 years and I thought I was his best friend.. then I corrected myself and said, oh, I dont want to sound arrogant, I guess there is someone else who is closer to you now, and he said, no... you are.. you are my best friend - like as if he was realising himself even.

I told him I loved him.. I said, I want to apologise for not being honest and not telling him that since Dec 2007, but I was afraid of pushing him away, but that I loved him, always did and always would, but that if friendship is all he has to offer me, then I will accpet that, and I would be his friend for life, if he would have me (we were holding hands and crying now), but that he had to let me know.. he didnt say anything, just looked gutted.. I said, let me explain something.. of all the people I have ever known, school, work, outside of family, you are my favourite person and I miss you in my life.. his lip was wobbling then and he was crying..he said again he missed my friendship too, missed me so much.. (it was all so upsetting!)

.. at some point about her, that "you do know I have something else going on in my life" and I think I said, oh, so you are still with her then? So, why cant you call me, or see me? (oh dear, drunk!) and he said, "do you want me to spell it out?". I said, but we were hanging out, going for drinks, meals, bike rides until last August.. he said I KNOW! I said, but then you startd dating her 2 weeks later, why ??? He said I DONT KNOW! He said, I didnt go looking for it, I didnt mean it to happen...

The most significant thing was he said about being weak.. I'm weak, I'm a coward.. but then to himself, I need to man up, grow some balls and make a decision... But he also said that he cant stand upsetting people, he was crying saying, I cant stand it, I dont want to upset people anymore, I cant stand upsetting people (I took it to mean ending it with her).

I asked him if she is treating him well.. and he said yes, she is actually, in a kind of ironic sad voice (as though, he doesnt deserve it/isnt treating her well). I said, do you love her? He said "no" flatly.

I said, what about you, are you happy? He said no, not at all, he is very unhappy.. I said, so why are you bothering then? He said he was confused.. that he is unhappy.. but something about, that it is him, he has always been unhappy, its in him (so I took it to mean he cannot work out WHAT is making him unhappy, her, me, or just himself and so he is still undecided).