Da' Bomb has Landed; PLEASE Help

[Trixi]

Weekends are usually slower with regard to people posting. Having said that, I am not really clear on what the sitch is or what sort of advice you are seeking. I mean, are you really looking for someone to blame? (ie, him or you?) When you are more concerned with whose fault it is, you aren't looking in the mirror or trying to grow. Blaming each other never gets a couple anywhere. It is just scorekeeping. Does he feel like you keep score? (something to think about.)

Have you read DB or DR? If so, have you been practicing those things? have you ever gone dark? Does what he says have any merit? (DO you go back to the old ways within a matter of a few weeks?) Have you validated his concerns and made a real effort to change? Do you see any value in changing *for yourself*?

He sounds hurt and numb. And it also sounds like there might be someone else on the horizon. (sorry.)

It takes time (normally) to get a divorce, so it's not a done deal yet. Really REALLY think about what he is saying. You can tell him that you don't want a divorce but you're not going to stand in his way if he does. You can validate "I still believe we can make our marriage work, but I can see why you would think this is the only solution. I have really hurt you in the past and for that, I am so sorry."
Telling him he is wrong, stupid, or ignoring what he is saying will only be more of the same demeaning behavior. You might want to get "How to Save your marriage without talking about it." I haven't read it but my understanding is that it shows how without realizing it, sometimes we can be disrespecting our spouses.