i have posted before but i will summarize the current situation -
h started an A in 06, came home a year ago this past weekend, to only fall apart and go back to ow. the day he filed for D last june, decided we should think about reconciliation.
ow still around this past year, calling me, taunting me.
H came home this week (the anniversary of last year's return).
was home with me saturday night and then yesterday got alittle quiet and distant which i think is normal.
we live next door to his parents, he decided to stay there last night, said he isnt quiet ready to be home.
i think this is all normal. any advice on how to handle things? i dont want to blow it, but at the same time, i so dont want a repeat of last year where things got ugly.
i do not know at this time the status of ow. is there still contact? most likely via phone.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
what i meant is that i read the returning home and having the mixed emotions/adjustment period is normal. that it takes time to return to normal.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Doodles, I think you should go back and re-read what everyone posted to you back in January. I think your husband is a very immature man, who likes to live next door to mommy and daddy, and to leave (and then run home to) his wife whenever he feels the need to.
And I think maybe you enable him to.
Anyway, there seemed to be some good advice back then when I went and re-read it just now. Your husband clearly needs to be made to deal with the consequences of his own behavior.
a little like what I went through, if your H doens't decide with all his might to work on the M, he will waffle back and forth, will have his cake and eat it too. Don't settle for less, he has to have a strong resolve to work on the M before you take him seriously.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
he tells me of strong resolve to work on the marriage, but also says he feels he cannot move right back in and expect to jump into our old life like that. he wants to work on things but not move in full time and i do not know how to handle it. we are at a very critical point, we have agreed to have him change jobs to get out of his environment where the affair took place. we are working on opening a business to start fresh but im nervous because he isnt sure about moving in right away. i told him i dont want to be scammed i dont want him to have one foot in this world and one foot out. i told him everything and he stands firm of his intentions to focus on us and the business.
do i insist he moves home or allow us to work on it without him jumping back home?
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
i am very nervous about all of this. he speaks of such strong desire to work his way back home full time, to focus on me and him. we are very close to closing a deal on a new business to get him out of the area and job where his affair took place and changed our world. he is making the steps but i feel like not fast enough for me. i dont know where the ow is in all of this and even when he tells me its over with her, im not sure that i believe it. i dont know what to do. i know if i dont move forward with the business and give it a try, we stand no chance because he cannot stay in the environment he currently works in.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
Ask him for ways to help you deal with this. What has he done to show you that his affair is over? Has he allowed you to look at his cell phone record? Has you allowed you to check in on him at times? Call whenever you want? DId he write a no contact letter or call her with you there? You can ask him for this, and if he is really done with her he will have no problems doing this.
nope, he really hasnt showed me its over. he tells me it is and pretty much tells me he still speaks to her. he was here all last weekend, if anything they are not what they were and are on the outs. i told him im convinced he wants to keep a foot in both worlds, so when it doesnt work out with us, she is still around.
me: 31 H:29 Son:5 m:8 years in november t:10 years first bomb: 10/06 moved home: 3/08 out again 5/08 ow bomb: 4/08, since summer 06 d filed:6/08, on hold 6/08 moved home:3/09 out again 5/09
I think you are right. You and he won't have a chance if she is even a little bit still in the picture. He has to commit to absolute "no contact" and full transparency to you. Can you do something to make that happen?
