You're welcome! Example: Controlling: "You need to end your affair, right now!" Boundary: "I cannot live in an open marriage." Controlling: You need to change your cellphone #, and give me a copy of the detailed bill every month!" Boundary: "I'm glad you want to reconcile, but in order for me to feel safe in the relationship, I need completely no-contact and transparency from you for awhile -- including changing your cellphone # and having your new bill sent to me for a period of time."
The last few posts from Gooch and PDT REALLY hit home for me! So it's really a question of stating I need you to be in this spot for this to work for me, show me that you can be that person. You have some EXCELLENT advice here on an alternative to your list that should work better I think.
Very close. It's really more like saying "These are the things I need in my life in order to be who I am. I am no longer willing to settle, and I am no longer comfortable to have "X" happen or "Y" said because they violate my own personal integrity, and my personal integrity is more important to me than trying to make you happy (no one can "make" another person happy anyway). I need these things, and I think I have a right to pursue them in my life in order to be who I am and to be happy. YOU MAY OR MAY NOT BE ABLE TO PROVIDE THEM FOR ME -- and that's okay too. I would prefer for us to get to this place together, but I can't ask you to be who you are not anymore than you can ask ME to, so please let me know."
Like Gucci's real-world example with Pearl, above.
