WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 6

[confusedinpa]

Overall you did great. You set a boundary at the bed and told her how she was taking everything else she wanted.

You also did great in validating her feelings. You were really in touch with how she was feeling and was able to stop her when she got too intense. The cooling off period worked like a charm.

She can cry all she wants, but you did well in saying what you will and will not tolerate.

"She said she wanted to but was afraid I would say she left and abandoned the kids."

She's pretty messed up in the head to say something like that. Have you ever told her that before? I don't think I've ever seen you mention anything like that here.

Great job overall.

What I'm struggling with is that when I set boundaries, it adds to her frustration. I guess it can help maintain my self respect but I don't see how it helps to improve my situation. She asked for money to help her buy a bed then

Another thing she moved out already was the liquor and stuff we use to make her martini's. Seems like she is determined not to relax/enjoy any time here before she moves.

I think her lawyer told her that about moving out without the kids. I never discouraged her fear, but never encouraged it either. I know its passive aggressive

I don't know if I did a good job. I see the woman I love hurting like I have never seen before. I want to help but I don't know how. I could give her everything that she wants but am I falling back into the "nice guy" mode?

[confusedinpa]

I am really struggling with my situation (as I'm sure many others are as well)

I'm torn as my wife right now feels trapped and feels she needs to leave ASAP. I have told her that I love her so much that I want her to fell free so I will not stand in her way

I do not want her to leave but I know its the right thing to do. When she leaves, that may be the last time she lives with me

Having her stay right now, as well as during the last 3 months has not changed her mind about the divorce. Is her staying a cheeseless tunnel? She still hasn't found a reason to work on the marriage. She is mad and frustrated. Right now, she can't see having a happy life with me. Is it truly too late?

Do I just agree with whatever she wants to take from the house or stand up for what I want? Problem is I see the woman I love hurting and it hurts me. Also, I want my marriage more than any of the things. Problem is the marriage maybe so far gone that there is nothing there to want

I do agree with what my wife said last nite, we have messed up bad. I know we are both hurting.

I don't want the next 2 weeks of being constant dialogs that just add to the hurt/resentment

We need to heal

I don't know what to do

Maybe my wife is right this is all a facade

I am truly confused and devastated

I've worked my 180 and she is frustrated when she sees me now doing exactly what she wanted me to do last year. She's mad and frustrated as she feels her words meant nothing back then. It wasn't until she told me that she filed for divorce that I got it.

I know that was the past, I get it now. Its just too late for her

[confusedinpa]

She's going shopping for bunk beds with her mom instead of the easter egg hunt we go to every year with the boys. She said it would be too hard for her

I'm taking the boys. I want her to go with us but not if she doesn't want to

Aside from the champagne glasses from our wedding and coffee mugs from our honeymoon, it doesn't look like she is taking anything of "us". She did take her engagement and wedding ring with her jewelry box

This is hard to see bits and pieces go every day. I can't imagine the pain when she actually leaves

I must be strong for the boys. This is hard. I feel alone again

[confusedinpa]

Anybody?

[antlers]

I'm sorry for what you're going through, but I can relate to it. My wife continued to live in our home for 7 weeks after she told me she was leaving. I watched as bits and pieces of our lives together began to be packed up and moved out. It was devestating. She didn't take much at all...she didn't want it. She mostly only took 'her' stuff. I offered her furniture, financial help, anything I could...and all she wanted was to get out. She bought all new furniture for her place, and furniture for our kids for when they would be over there. She is a WAW. They see us as their worst nightmare. They need to be left alone, and that means no phone calls, no e-mails, and no texting...no communication at all, unless it is concerning the kids. And it is the hardest thing to do. I know you hurt so bad. Leave her alone. They have to deal with a TON of emotions, and process it, and they can't do it with us bothering them. Hopefully, in time, they will begin to heal...and hopefully, in time, they will begin to forgive. She knows how you feel, believe me she knows. You DO NOT need to remind her anymore.

[confusedinpa]

Antlers

Thanks for the support. I know this is something she needs to do. I just home her journey leads back home.

We just finished lunch and she left to go shopping for bunk beds. I'm taking the kids to an easter egg hunt. I've been with a knot in my stomach now for the past 12 weeks. I've lost almost 25 lbs. Horrible way to lose weight

Before she went out, my wife asked if I had any new thoughts about the bed. I said no.

She did come to me for a kiss on the check and a hug to crack her back. I gave them to her but am regretting it as I've been worried about enabling her.

I actually starting to get a little numb. Perhaps its emotional overload or its my depression coming back.

I know I will be happy if I chose to be. I will have the strength to make that choice.

Its hard when you feel alone. She has her mom. My friends are all 2-3 hours away and they have their own families to worry about. I must remember that I will not be alone as I will always have my boys

[antlers]

I just home her journey leads back home.

I do too! I hope it for your wife and yourself...and I hope it for my wife and myself.

[confusedinpa]

I just hope her journey leads back home.

I do too! I hope it for your wife and yourself...and I hope it for my wife and myself.

From your lips to God's ears!

[antlers]

He has the power to make it happen! We need to have the discipline to insure that our chances are their best!

[confusedinpa]

She called and said she was close to making some purchases (I assume bunk beds and mattress) so she wouldn't be home in time for dinner. I'm sure she's having dinner with her mom to reinforce her victim story

I was really struggling earlier as I was with my boys at my friends easter egg hunt. It was tough being surrounded by all the other couples with their kids while it was just me and the boys. I tried to stay upbeat and positive but it was hard. This was something my wife and I have been going together to since our oldest was born

I called my mom to get her to be here the week after my wife moves. I just want to have someone there for me. She has her mom nearby. My mom is 100 miles away in NYC

I'm tempted to talk to her Dad. They aren't close but I feel the need for fatherly advice. My dad left when I was 1 month old so I never knew him

I do miss my wife from before the bomb. I don't miss the one now. I hope I can get the old one back....

I really need some advice/encouragement.