The adventure continues--part 2

[spellfire]

Did you ever stop and think about what a good person you are and that there are so many women out there that would be blessed to have you? That maybe you can do better?

I am not saying that as a recommendation, just that you should always maintain sight of your own self-worth.

[AFWAW]

Did you ever stop and think about what a good person you are and that there are so many women out there that would be blessed to have you? That maybe you can do better?

I am not saying that as a recommendation, just that you should always maintain sight of your own self-worth.

I have thought about this--probably too much lately and most of it is driven by how cruel she is treating me. I thought back over the years and am disappointed about how it seems like I basically gave my self-esteem to my wife. The thing is, I never really realized it.

I caught myself feeling melencholoy a couple of times today. I think its where I have eaten properly today. I did get a call from the wife but decided not to answer it. She didn't leave a message and has not called back, so I suspect she'll pop over unexpected if I know her. We'll see.

[SRTTF]

say guys!!!! The money sitch may be real nice for you all since you are probably the main bread winners in your home. For me, a LBW - Can not get any assistance, is overdrawn just to keep lights and heat on, truck go repo'd, go to the food shelve every 2 weeks and D and I haven't had a real meat and potatoes meal in months.

Sorry just had to add my 2 cents. Point is that the LBS isn't always in such a good spot.

[PortlandDad]

Stacy,
I just popped over and read up on your sitch. I am so very sorry for you and your D. I realize that that things are usually rosier for the earner's in every sitch. I think that AF and I were commenting on how much our WAWs used to spend of our money, and now that they are gone how much better off financially we seem to be.
When the bread-winner walks away, the LBS suffers tremendously, as you are in your sitch.

[AFWAW]

I think that AF and I were commenting on how much our WAWs used to spend of our money, and now that they are gone how much better off financially we seem to be.

That's what I was refering to. My wife spends money like water but hey she works and if that's what she wants to do, that's ok--the problem was she was spending hers and mine before. She doesn't seem to get the idea that just because you have funds in the bank does not mean you need to buy something. I think I blog about it so much because it feels so weird to not have to worry about having money to buy essentials. My wife has her own money--actually the stores and credit card people have her money) and I have mine.

My daughter got a phone call from the wife last night and she wanted to talk with me. Wants to take her out today but did make a comment about daughter didn't seem to have much interest in spending time with her? Once she hung up, I asked my daughter if her mom had asked if she wanted to spend the night? She said no, so I wonder if the wife has other plans for tonight or if she thinks my daughter should ask her if she should spend the night? Strange as you'd think she'd want to work out some sort of visitation plan?

[AFWAW]

Crap. The wife stopped over to pick up my daughter to take her out for the day. Very little interaction between us. She did ask if was ok. I said sure. After she left, I got very angry at myself. I want to not feel anything towards her--I want to not love her but I cannot. Started hurting again. Thought I was fine before but apparently my feelings are still very strong for her. I miss her. Wonder what she's doing tonight and why she hasn't asked my daughter to spend the night?

[Mellenmack]

The last thing is you could call her and ask her to keep your daughter overnight because you have some plans you would like to make. And then go out with the boys or something and have fun!

Honestly, I have wondered about your setup as far as visitation. I left the kids with H until I got the apartment set up, but after that, they baby came with me. He couldn't handle her if he tried. But we had already agreed to every other weekend and every other Wednesday night. We haven't stuck to the Wednesday night thing so much. Other than that, if he wants the baby for something, he asks and as long as I don't have something planned specifically for her, I let him have her. Same goes for the dude. Likewise, if it's my weekend, but I have class, I beg him to take the kids...okay, well, not beg, but I ask and he always agrees.

Maybe it is time to get that worked out. At least then, maybe she will feel better since she will know exactly when daughter is going over. Likewise, you can plan your own time for when she is not there, too. It's not a last minute can she/can't she thing.

Just something to think about. Nobody feels left out or has to be overburdened that way either. I know she is 13 and she does get to choose who she lives with, but there is only one person who gave birth to her, and she can't write her off forever, even though she may feel like it. We are back to the "do the right thing" thing.

Melissa

[working on me]

It's been 2 months now and it is still difficult to comprehend what has happened and I still occasionally am asking myself why it happened.

To be perfectly honest, while I miss my wife, her company, her humor, how sweet she could be, etc, I think my mind has been clouded and I've been glossing over the negative aspects of our relationship. She was/is controlling, quickly prone to anger(especially when she didn't get her way and sometimes I couldn't even figure out why she was angry), uncommunicative, frivolous w/ money, a gossip, and just damn mean at times. But yet, I still miss her--she had plenty of good qualities as well.

So, having said all this, do I really want her back, assuming she wanted to come back? Not without some real changes and open lines of communication. I honestly think it's a pipe dream at this point. Why I am blogging all this? I think if will be easier for me to refer back to this when I'm not having moments of clarity over the next few months. Am I scared and uncertain as to what the future holds? You bet. I'm trying very hard not to focus too far into the future though and trying to take it one day at a time. [/quote]----------------------------------------------------------------

Hi, I just read this today.

This is exactly how I feel!

[AFWAW]

Honestly, I have wondered about your setup as far as visitation.

So far she has made no attempts to set up any sort of visitation. She bitched last week about my daughter staying at a friends house but did not ask her to stay at her place tonight. Her exact words to me were--"It doesn't seem like she wants to spend any time with me." Hello, my daughter is 13, you're the adult--stop assuming and ask her to spend the night! My daughter is quickly seeing what kind of role model her mother is. My wife was not very friendly toward me when she dropped my daughter off--she did ask what I was going to be doing this afternoon and tonight. I was very vague with my response. For the most part, she barely even looked at me. VERY ACKWARD. Someone told me before that women cannot handle two things(like an affair)emotionally so maybe this is her way of not having to handle me emotionally?? Just a guess, but she did not try to hug or kiss me on the way out the door this time.

Yep, it feels like the curtain is about to close on this one.

[AFWAW]

I read this about 10 times a day. It is the only way I can stay sane and non-emotional throughout the day. It was very difficult to write this. I can only hope that there is a way for us to work things out. I am so very lonely at this moment and am wondering what God's plan is for me regarding companionship in the future.