LonelyRzr, good for you about contacting a DB coach.
I want to say that you are being a big person to admit your faults in the M. My H never admitted to anything he did wrong, and in fact, had the nerve to say he hadn't done anything wrong! He may have been referring to me having an EA and he had never done anything like that, but that is not what he said! That was a hard mountain for me to climb in trying to get to the point of being willing to "be willing". Every time I looked at him, I saw a self-righteous man who thought he was so "good" and I was the "sinner". It would make me so angry and turned off toward him. I said some very hard and cruel things to him. He never tried to get help and he would not even consider going to MC with me. So, you might say that I had to get where I am by reaching out for help on my own. That is why I was here so much on this board. It was my therapy. It taught me a lot. It saved my M.
Anyway, you have made the right decision to contact a DB coach. I do respect the fact that you can admit where you failed b/c I think in most M's, it is some failure on both sides. Nobody is perfect. I do know some cases where it appeared that one person was about perfect and the other one strayed, so there may be exceptions.......but in most cases I think there is fault on both sides.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
