Need Help handling affair thats still going on

[kjensen]

Peace-
I think I'm still pretty weak and somewhat obesessed periodically with the OW/A. I texted H tonight to see if storm had hit his area of town yet and got no response. He'd been texing D13 not long before..Makes me think he's with the OW and I'm realy tempted to find out if my worst fears are correct. Kind of torn right now. I realized the business account he showed me doesn't tell me much-its his business credit card that he was using for OW... I want to be strong and distant, but my hopes did lighten a little over the last two days of pleasant interacting. I know its a rollercoaster and I should expect coldness/distance soon...this really sucks doesn't it!? I don't know how everyone has been so strong for months and years when I'm ready to tear my hair out after 3 months.
Is it worse in the beginning when you are absorbing all of this rewriting of history and "i've never loved you" stuff and reeling from the "bombs"?