Oops!!.......I think I've dropped the rope!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Update...

I'm at H's neice's house now. My MIL is going back home with me so she can see her new great grandbaby and her daughter (H's sister who only lives about a mile away from us.

I called H and told him she was coming and that I plan to take her up to the "dream house" next weekend, and he was welcome to join us if he could. I gave the phone to MIL and H told her that he usually sees his GF on Tuesday's after IC, but that he would perhaps forgo that and come and spend time with his mom then instead.......strange because he supposedly stopped IC......when I told H I was taking mom up to the dream house, he told me he probably wouldn't join us because he was up there last weekend (as I knew) and then he started telling me of a whole grunch of things he got done up there......so if the GF really was up there with him, either she's that "girl in a toolbelt" H has been dreaming of all his life, or she wasn't there after all, or he wasn't concerned about "quality time" with her......

And, I know.....what should I care? My MIL says I should get a boyfriend or at least look like it and if H ever "wakes up" to tell him forget it (at least at first). She says he's her son and she loves him, but she thinks I should make him "squirm" and "sweat it out"........if he ever has the guts to even admit he is wrong and want to try which I doubt.

I also spoke on the phone yesterday to my BIL and SIL. They are both very disgusted by H's behavior and told me that I will always be family to them. BIL said that he didn't hear about H's behavior at his sister's funeral in October (remember when I had the complete meltdown and got drunk when H wouldn't even really talk to me...?) Well, BIL said that apparently H's other sister went and absolutely balled H out for his behavior toward me and for H telling S17 to go help me instead of taking care of it himself. My BIL said if he had been there, he would have beat the he** out of H. This discussion with BIL meant a lot to me, because BIL was my brother's best friend all through High School, and was the best man at my brother's wedding (I was maid of honor). Also his wife (SIL) baby-sat me a few times when I was a young teenager and my folks went to Vegas for long weekends. I met H at BIL & SIL's wedding (the day after my 17th birthday).

BIL also spent some time with S18 a couple years ago when S came down to CA for the Summer. And apparently S called BIL last year just after the bomb and asked if he could come down and live with BIL (who had told him his door was always open). So, BIL has a real soft spot for S and is very concerned for his wellbeing.

So, I really have to get back to where I was a couple weeks ago. Detach Detach Detach! His "no baggage" GF can have him! I will be moving back into the house with D24, E & K. I am up in the air on how to handle things there though. H has said he will do the work that needs to be done, but MIL says I should say he has X amount of time to do it and then I am going to have someone else do it and send him the bill.....but I know H and that would really piss him off and he won't pay the bill! Also, if he comes over to do the work, that gives me the opportunity to show the 180s and PMA and GAL I'm working on........on the other hand, a DB coach told a friend of mine to not allow H over to do work because that is a privaledge that he has lost when he left.......I have no idea what to do!!!???

I'm also still up in the air over how to handly my job. They are getting so "sticky" on micro-managing and I just don't work well with that. And though the job pays well, I really don't enjoy it.......it's boring.....And after being there 10 years, I don't like their change in direction......I want a job that I feel like I am doing something worthwhile. But, going back to school is scary too.......

Gotta think........so much change......very scared......I know I just have to concentrate on me........that's so against my nature.