Spellfire #4 - Sparks, but no Flames

[spellfire]

It is hard for me to be objective. Inside the bedroom I would say that is accurate.

Outside the bedroom, she does a lot, so I do not really see it as "pampered princess syndrome". Her requests for acts of service are more cries for some of her extreme load to be reduced. In addition to working about 50 hours a week, she is in weekend school, has homework, handles the meals and provides transport for kid. I also do a lot, I handle everything else that must be done. We are very even in terms of chores/responsibilities. I think the thing that bothers me is that she sees what she does as being a load, but doesn't appreciate what I do just as much, if not slightly more. W has always been egocentric, and has trouble seeing things from others pov.

She has partially acknowledged her role in our R, but is still quick to place most of the blame on me. Her being willing to ML once a week is her way of trying to correct my primary complaint. She says as she gets used to it she will be more willing, she just can't go from 0 to 100 mph overnight. She is stubborn and has trouble seeing her own faults, but I am getting through to her better since I am being less confrontational in how I point things out to her. NMMNG helped me to identify manipulative behavior in myself and be more direct and honest.

Now that I have changed myself and my attitude, and I am much more positive in general, she is easier to be around. She is still extremely stressed out however. Finishing her classes will help a lot, but there is more that needs to happen. She was supposed to change jobs too, but since the economy is so bad, she is kind of trapped right now. Those external pressures make a big difference to her emotional state on a day to day basis. At least now when she vents to me, I actually listen instead of getting frustrated with her (an undersexed man doesn't really feel much like being there for their W, and the resentment is always bubbling right under the surface).

I feel like I am starting to ramble so...in conclusion. Inside the bedroom 95% yes. Outside, yes, but not nearly as much.

She is certainly a product of her family. My FIL is very NG, way more than I ever was. I think that dynamic has affected my R with her, we have had many arguments over her expectations of me compared to what she's used to.